My arch nemesis at Soccer

I have an arch nemesis. I have nicknamed her "twit." She became my arch nemesis when at a party last year she accused me of "being attracted" to her husband.  We had all been at another party a month earlier and this is where she stated "the attraction" took place.  I think her husband is on the verge of pompous, I always have.  They however think everyone wants to be friends with them.

At said "attraction party" he was lively, talkative and nothing like he is in "real life." Jim and I talked to him for a while (unlike usual) and that was that. Sooo the next time I saw her she confronted me (welcome to Jersey).  Fortunately Jim was standing there and I was able to call him into the conversation. He told her that we had been talking to him but that was it?  I explained to her that she was mistaken and that we needed to be clear on this.  I wanted to be sure she understood nothing inappropriate happened. She smiled and said "I'm not like that."  What the hell does that mean? You just confronted me at a fundraiser, you are exactly "like that."



Side note: Until recently I was the epitome of a person that was in absolute fear of confrontation, I cannot tell you what it took me to stay in that conversation and actually be able to come up with audible, comprehendible words, while she was confronting me. Fortunately I now know that I can and will live through confrontation, but on that day, I was a mess.

She walked away with the "yeah, sure, whatever" look on her face. I wanted to pound her into the ground but graduated 6th grade years ago, and thus contained myself. The rest of the night I was consumed that she was so wrong. I wanted to tell her how I always thought he was nothing special, that neither he nor she is interesting, or amazing, or worth flirting with, but I said nothing, I just sucked it up and let her think what she wanted.

Well, twit was at soccer on Saturday. Soccer was early so I threw on my three year old cargo capris, a
 t-shirt, Croc flip-flops and just twisted my hair into a claw clip while brushing my teeth.  I usually am not to concerned with my looks at soccer but that was before I knew twit was going to be there, ya never want to look crappy when your nemesis is around.

So Jim and I are talking, he is playing with his new iPhone (kill me) and asking me about this app and that app and I look up and Emersyn is in the middle of the soccer field and the entire U12 girls soccer team is headed right for her with the ball, playing the game.

Naturally I scream EMERSYNNNNN!!! I run, dropping my phone, to get her, swoop her up before the ball reaches her 2 foot body and run off the field.

NOW VISUAL PEOPLE. Here's me, in my elastic waist band pants with my baggy t-shirt and crazy curly hair up in a claw clip running like a crazy person to swoop up the baby and then run carrying the baby off the field with her flopping and bouncing body all over the place while she cries because she wants to be ON the field.  Not cute, not attractive, not something you want anyone to see...

Especially you arch nemesis....

Jim turned to me after a few moments "are you ok." I say "yes," lying.  All I could think was she saw that, she just had to be here to see my shitty parenting skills, I mean I can't even keep track of my baby? Wonder if she saw that I was looking at my phone and that is why I lost Emersyn? I wonder if she noticed my fat moving when I was running? I wonder if my hair was all over the place like a crazy person? I wonder if it was so bad she actually felt bad for me? Oh how I hate that had to happen....kill me

After a few moments I ask Jim, "did I look completely ridiculous?" He lies "no."  I admit, "I just wish she wasn't here to see it, that's all."  Her in her perfectly fitting jeans and smooth hair with sunglasses that actually look good.  I tell myself, you have to be pret-ty miserable to get all dressed up for soccer, yeah, that's it, she always has to look good, can you imagine feeling like you have to al-ways look good."


Anyway, none of it matters. It just makes me bananas that she thinks I like her husband. If I did "hit" on him, fine, if I was flirting, nail me to the tree, but I wasn't.

I did try to find THEM appealing at a time. I had seen them at a funeral and they sat in front of me. I watched the way he put his arm around her and rubbed her back. I thought how nice it was for him to be so comforting and loving to her...THEY CAN'T BE THAT BAD?! But I was wrong, people aren't who they appear to be at funerals I guess.


I am sure I will be seeing twit around the soccer fields.  I'm still going to wear my crappy, comfortable capris to soccer but I may spend a little more time on my hair. If nothing else it will make for an interesting fall. Until then, I will do my best to watch Emersyn at the soccer fields and do my very best not to pine away for her husband while doing so.