Is THAT passive aggressive or are you just unhappy to see me?

Yesterday someone acted out "passive aggressive."  I know this term, but when the person ACTED OUT the behavior behind "passive aggressive," it took on a completely new life.

"I love you, now go away."

" I love you, but not right this second."

"I love you but I'm to busy for you today...."

"I love you..." but....*SMACK*

Hmmmm....? Is that what it is?  Is that "passive aggressive?"  Is that what it means to love conditionally?  Is that what it means when you get mixed messages from a person and you walk away feeling confused because the person SAYS one thing and then ACTS a different way....and then YOU are left scratching your head wondering what the heck happened?

Is passive aggressive when a person says they love you with a smile on their face and then hit you?  Is passive aggressive when a person says they love you and then manipulate and control you and tell you that you are an idiot?  Is passive aggressive when someone says they love you and then tells you that everything you do is wrong?  Is this the label this behavior gets? 

But is that love at all?

Is it possible to love someone,....WRONG?  Is it possible to have love in your heart and have absolutely no idea how to show it?  Is it possible to love someone but because of past experience, anger and sadness, have a skewed idea as to how to show it?  Is it possible to love someone, but be so hurt and broken that one is unable to show it?  It is possible to have not learned how to love without being passive aggressive?

How painful it is to be loved by someone that is passive aggressive.  How painful it is to be told one thing and shown another.  How painful it is to not be trusted, not be held, not be treated as loved.  How painful it is to be constantly given the message that LOVE is being hit, being yelled at, being the recipient of anger, being the recipient of distance, being the recipient of disgust, being the recipient of everything that isn't love....and having it called love.

So one is left to look for what love SHOULD look like.  One is left to search out for THAT feeling, THAT thing he sees on TV, that thing that he hears other people talking about, that thing that he knows is out there.  

Problem is, once you are wired to see LOVE as manipulative, controlling 

abuse, it takes a while to change that....if ever.

So you seek people that say "I love you.." but cheat on you.  That say, "I love you...." but hit you.  That say, "I love you...." but treat you like garbage.  And it is comfortable, it's cozy, it's warm and FAMILIAR.  It is what you know.  It is what makes sense.  It is painful, but it is the way it is because...

IT IS ALL THAT YOU ARE WORTHY OF....

IT IS ALL THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF....

IT IS FAMILIAR...

And no matter how many people TELL YOU that you are worth more, that THAT isn't love, that THIS isn't ok, that YOU deserve BETTER.... it can't be true....because you know what LOVE is... and this is it.  Love is to be told, "I love you...but not now."  To be told, "I love you...but go away."  To be told, "I love you....but you're not good enough, smart enough or worthy of listening to...."  

Until you find your voice, and realize it's ok to speak.

Until you realize that it's ok to speak up.  Until you realize that THAT is NOT love.  Until you realize that you are worth more, deserve more, need more, can be loved NOW, can be heard NOW, can be listened to, can be trusted, can be cherished, can be adored, can be healthy, can be happy.  Until you realize that you are worthy of amazing, fabulous, love.  Until you realize that you are worthy, suitable, deserving and good-enough for all the world has to offer, you will continue to look for love that is passive aggressive.  You will continue to look for broken relationships.  You will continue to look for abuse.  

So to hear what passive aggressive sounds like...helps.

To recognize what passive aggressive sounds like, helps.  To hear what is NOT loving behavior, is a start.  To hear that "I love you... but I'm going to treat you badly"  is NOT ok...is amazing.  To hear that love doesn't sound THAT way is fantastic.  To hear that passive aggressive is conditional and broken, makes sense.  It means that there is love there, it is just shown wrong.  It means that the love is lost in the action. 

 It means that the recipient of this isn't broken or evil or bad.

We all have moments of needing solitude, being sad, being angry, but it is our responsibility to TAKE responsibility for how we treat others.  It is our responsibility to TAKE responsibility for what we say and do.  It is our responsibility to take responsibility for what we do in life, and reap what we sew.