Wine, Battery Acid and Labored Breathing

Last night I went to dinner with a few gals and this dinner had so much promise to be a relaxing evening out. Good food, good wine, good company, no kids.....Yeahhhh, not so much....

The dinner started with a lovely bottle of wine opened promtly at 7:00 p.m. mmmmm...oh red wine, how I love thee...what shall I eat tonight that I will actually taste because my beautiful, loving, needy offspring are not here and I get to enjoy wine anddd food....oh, I am a lucky lucky girl....


Blah blah blah, conversation, ordering food, bread......

And then I check my phone.

7:36 p.m. text from Jim...."Sorry to bother you but can you test Brock for batteries....Emersyn said he ate batteries..."

So I quickly pull up a photo of  Brock and start testing him (my TBA practice) for stomach, batteries, everything and everything is coming up that Brock has definitely swallowed a battery and he is slowly being poisoned by battery acid from the inside out.... (please note that I am in panic mode and this is not the state of mind that I usually do my work....)

I can feel the blood rushing from my face imagining that the reason for his red cheeks before I left.... battery acid, the reason he was crazy before I left....battery acid.  The reason he didn't want to eat anything....battery acid.  My son is going to die.  My son needs surgery. My 10 month old has swallowed a "AA" battery from an open remote control ....battery acid.

Everyone at the table is trying to reassure me that he couldn't have possibly swallowed a "AA" battery without a huge incident.  Everyone is attempting to calm me down by explaining when battery acid gets on a kid YOU'LL KNOW IT. Ummm, ok, so he'd be frothing at the mouth and screaming in pain and we'd know that he was being killed by..... battery acid.

Oh, lovely, here comes my $30 dinner that I won't be able taste now.  I'm trying to stay calm and so I write "battery" and "stomach" on a piece of paper and attempt to re-test Brock pulling up another picture of him on my phone.  This time...nothing. I don't trust myself.  I know he is dying.  I know that little stink ate that damn battery....Oh my God, we are going to have to go to the hospital and they are going to have to get that "AA" out of him....I am scooping fork after fork of food that tastes like nada..nothing...zilch...I can't believe this....so I drink more wine.


I finally make my way home and use my kits to test Brock and nothing is coming up.  He is testing completely fine.  I go upstairs to check on him and Jim is holding Brock in the blue chair in Brock's room.  Drama...ug....  As if I am not wacko enough Jim proceeds to ask me if I think Brock has labored breathing.  Really?? Everything I know about everything, I am second guessing.  Everything I know about what I do I am doubting and now I am suppose to judge labored breathing??? AHHHH!!!

So I tell Jim to just call Poison Control and ask them what the heck.  The guy at Poison Control answers the phone and about laughs at us that we think Brock could even get a "AA" battery down his throat. Daaaa, that's exactly what I thought.... Then he tells us that they don't even make batteries out of battery acid anymore that they are all now Alkaline....helllllooooo, who didn't know that!?! 


So Brock will live to see another day.  It seems that (as I obviously knew the whole time) that it would be pretty hard for him to swallow a battery, they no longer use battery acid in batteries (HUH?) and that labored breathing isn't necessarily a symptom of swallowing a battery.  Oh being a mom is so easy, I think I should have at least three more kids....AHHHHH!