Knowing Who I am Without You

Is it ever possible to judge ourself purely by our OWN judgement?  Are we ever capable of summing up our worth merely by looking within our self and seeing what we are made of, what we have accomplished and saying "perfect, good enough, wonderful, job well done."?

I don't think so.

How do we separate ourselves from what others think, feel, say, see, wonder, observe?  How do we ignore what we put out into the world, and only see what WE see?  How do we NOT use society as a gage of our worth? How do I not use YOU as MY mirror?

I don't know.

I am a mother of four.  I am a wife, once divorced.  I am a college graduate.  I am a homeopathic practitioner.  I am a sister.  I am a grand daughter.  I am a woman.

Now let's go deeper....I am a soul of energy.  I am a creator of all that is and will be in my world.  I am capable of whatever I put my mind, energy and intention to.

So why is it so much easier for me to be a sister (what you can see) a mother (what you can see) a wife (what you can see) and a college graduate (what you can see) than it is for me to wrap my brain around what you can't see....a healer.  Why do I not feel special enough to be blessed with this gift?  Why do I struggle with being "special enough."  Why do I think YOU need to see "it" for it to be, ok, enough, real?  Why do I need YOU to judge me as worthy, significant, real for me to know who I am?

I am not sure.

Why can't I just KNOW what I KNOW?  Why can't I just be ok with knowing that I am a healer and that I am able to evaluate people from thousands of miles away and I can do this and it doesn't matter who believes me, because I can and I do and I need to wrap my brain around the fact that I have this gift and that although it is new, and it is good, that it is real.

I think can get there.

I am a healer and I am good at it.  I am a healer and I know it is my life's work and it fulfills me.  I am a healer and love making people feel better spiritually and emotionally and physically.  I am a healer and it is different and not what people are use to and....that is ok.  I am a healer and I am ok if you think it is weird.  I am ok if you think I am strange and weird or great or amazing.  I am ok if you don't believe in it or if you do.  I am ok if I am the only person for the rest of my life that knows it.  I am ok.

I am feeling it.

I am ok with whatever you think or feel.  I am ok with saying "I am a healer."  I am ok with a look or a smile.  I am ok with your scepticism.  I am ok with your excitement.  I am ok with whatever, because I know in my heart and soul that I can help you be better, get better and feel better.  I am a healer and I am good at it.

I am a healer and I heal and it is good.

I am a healer