I say "Let them fail!"
My attempt is to always empower my children to do things on their own. Sometimes this leads to "mother's guilt" because I see so many other moms doting over their kids. I have friends that still get up with their high school kids, wake them, make them breakfast and drive them to school, even when there is a perfectly good bus willing to drive them. To me, that makes no sense.
Here are a few examples of what I mean. My kids have been waking up on their own since they were 5 and I bought them their first alarm clock. They have been getting themselves dressed and capable of wiping their own butts, washing their own hair and getting dressed since they were about 3. Emersyn is fully capable of dressing herself and knows that when mom says "I'm getting in the car," she better be ready to leave.
Seems harsh?
Jim says I'm "growing them up to quick" but I say I'm making them self-sufficient, self-reliant and proud of their accomplishments. I say that I am making them feel competent by allowing them to "do."
I sometime will drive home from a friend's house and wonder if I am "hard" on my kids. I will see a mom doing everything for their kids, and I wonder if I will look back on my parenting and think, "I should have been softer?" Doubt it, because I love it when I see the pride on their faces when I say to someone, "oh, they do IT all on their own." They are capable.
If we do everything for our children, if we constantly put the onus on our shoulders, when and how do we pass that on to them? Will they know what to do with all of that new responsibility of; gotta do homework, time to wake up, I have no clean clothes, I'm hungry, if we are always saving them from reality?
Skylar is so self-sufficient that except for paying bills, I'm pretty sure she could head off to college tomorrow and be ready...and she's in 7th grade. Emersyn is ready for high school and Brock is still nursing so I've got a little work to do on him yet.
I guess what I'm getting at is not that I have raised them to be self-sufficient, but more that I have allowed them to believe in themselves. I have TRUSTED them to fail, succeed and find their way. Children are the closest beings that we have to innocence and God. They are the closest thing that we have on Earth to what we SHOULD be doing without the wackiness of society, and we need to look at them with reverence versus fear and mistrust.
The first thing I do with my babies is teach them to crawl up and down the steps. This is not because I can't go buy a gate (as I have), but because I can't always be there and I want them to be ok when I'm not.
I want my kids to be ready for this world as I won't always be here. I won't be with them in high school to make good choices, I won't be at college to make sure they go to class and I can't know every assignment that Skylar has due. I don't ask her what homework is due and when...it's on her. Why should I put all that on me?
YES, EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT...BUT, if a kid fails a few times and succeeds a few times, they will quickly learn what feels better (or if help is needed on another level).
Empower your children, even if it means watching them fail, be sad, be late, be dirty, be smelly, be wrong, be hungry, get an "F", forget their homework, lose a friend, get their coat stolen or not make the team. And when these "failures" happen, let them learn, let the onus be on them, let them feel it and own it and move forward from it...as it is right THEN that they grow, into themselves, and then watch their pride when they succeed, because it is THEN that is is THEIR success.
We can buy gates and computer blocks and parental controls for our homes, but what happens when they go out into the world. What happens when we can't gate them in anymore? What happens when they are in front of a computer without a password? What happens when we aren't there to make sure they are "doing it right?" We need to let them find their inner "want," their inner "voice" now, and then they won't have to find it later while we are yelling at them to stand on their own two feet!
Here are a few examples of what I mean. My kids have been waking up on their own since they were 5 and I bought them their first alarm clock. They have been getting themselves dressed and capable of wiping their own butts, washing their own hair and getting dressed since they were about 3. Emersyn is fully capable of dressing herself and knows that when mom says "I'm getting in the car," she better be ready to leave.
Seems harsh?
Jim says I'm "growing them up to quick" but I say I'm making them self-sufficient, self-reliant and proud of their accomplishments. I say that I am making them feel competent by allowing them to "do."
I sometime will drive home from a friend's house and wonder if I am "hard" on my kids. I will see a mom doing everything for their kids, and I wonder if I will look back on my parenting and think, "I should have been softer?" Doubt it, because I love it when I see the pride on their faces when I say to someone, "oh, they do IT all on their own." They are capable.
If we do everything for our children, if we constantly put the onus on our shoulders, when and how do we pass that on to them? Will they know what to do with all of that new responsibility of; gotta do homework, time to wake up, I have no clean clothes, I'm hungry, if we are always saving them from reality?
Skylar is so self-sufficient that except for paying bills, I'm pretty sure she could head off to college tomorrow and be ready...and she's in 7th grade. Emersyn is ready for high school and Brock is still nursing so I've got a little work to do on him yet. I guess what I'm getting at is not that I have raised them to be self-sufficient, but more that I have allowed them to believe in themselves. I have TRUSTED them to fail, succeed and find their way. Children are the closest beings that we have to innocence and God. They are the closest thing that we have on Earth to what we SHOULD be doing without the wackiness of society, and we need to look at them with reverence versus fear and mistrust.
The first thing I do with my babies is teach them to crawl up and down the steps. This is not because I can't go buy a gate (as I have), but because I can't always be there and I want them to be ok when I'm not.
I want my kids to be ready for this world as I won't always be here. I won't be with them in high school to make good choices, I won't be at college to make sure they go to class and I can't know every assignment that Skylar has due. I don't ask her what homework is due and when...it's on her. Why should I put all that on me?
YES, EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT...BUT, if a kid fails a few times and succeeds a few times, they will quickly learn what feels better (or if help is needed on another level).
Empower your children, even if it means watching them fail, be sad, be late, be dirty, be smelly, be wrong, be hungry, get an "F", forget their homework, lose a friend, get their coat stolen or not make the team. And when these "failures" happen, let them learn, let the onus be on them, let them feel it and own it and move forward from it...as it is right THEN that they grow, into themselves, and then watch their pride when they succeed, because it is THEN that is is THEIR success.
We can buy gates and computer blocks and parental controls for our homes, but what happens when they go out into the world. What happens when we can't gate them in anymore? What happens when they are in front of a computer without a password? What happens when we aren't there to make sure they are "doing it right?" We need to let them find their inner "want," their inner "voice" now, and then they won't have to find it later while we are yelling at them to stand on their own two feet!
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