Cody and I Aren't Speaking
Cody and I have not spoken since he left here at the end of December. We had, let's just call it,..a falling out. He wanted life his way, I warned him, he went back to Ohio. Reminds me of a Pretenders song..but I digress. Thing is, we haven't spoke since. Let me say this again for ya... I haven't spoken to my son, except to hand the phone to Emersyn, in about a month. He isn't speaking to me, and I am understanding that he has his reasons and I am respecting his choice. That and I am not going to beg him to talk to me, that's just nuts.
So here I am, a month gone by without speaking to Cody. Reality is, when we talk, it is usually about what he wants, how I am not giving what he wants to him and how much of a bad parent I am for being so "mean!" Whatever, the world of being the mean mom of a teen.
But then I have my moments, you know the ones, where I go "but what if something happens and we didn't speak?" Or, "this is so silly, why are we doing this? What a waste!" But then I just remind myself, it's not that I am not speaking to him, it is that I am respecting his decision to not speak to me. Is that the same thing? I mean, I am his mom, perhaps I should MAKE him speak to me? Perhaps I should plead my case for mean moms everywhere? I mean I am kinda down to three kids over here!!!...I am sure this is only a short term down-to-three-kids hiatus.
It is weird though. I raised this kid every single day for fifteen years! I gave him life...I grew him inside of me...I...I...I...am his MOM!!! And yet the peace ain't bad? Is this what being an empty-nester is like? Is this what it is like to have kids at college? Is this what it is like to allow your children to live their lives? Is this what it is like to let your kids have an opinion and manage their emotions and make adult decisions about how they feel about....ME?
I personally think I am pretty likable but I've been wrong before. So as we encroach on a full month without hearing about his cracked cell phone glass, how "mean" teachers are, and how it is every one's fault why he needs a new coat and gym shoes, I have been pretty ok.
I think about me dying and how he wouldn't be able to speak to me, but I think he would justify it and cope. I think that after a month of not speaking to me he would recognize that he was right and that I was rightfully the meanest mom...EVER. But until I bite the bullet, I will sit here wondering how he is coping without his mother, without me telling him not to do drugs, not to kiss girls and to brush his teeth. I suppose I am at ease because I did such a great job the first fifteen years.
So Cody, I know you read my blogs...I love you with all of my heart and soul. I think you are amazing and I wish we were speaking. BUT, if you are not ready to complain to me about the latest injustice in your life, I can wait. I will be in the hot tub, eating Bon Bons and drinking champagne...cause Lord knows that is what you think every stay-at-home mom does all day.
Love you much...Mom...
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So here I am, a month gone by without speaking to Cody. Reality is, when we talk, it is usually about what he wants, how I am not giving what he wants to him and how much of a bad parent I am for being so "mean!" Whatever, the world of being the mean mom of a teen.
But then I have my moments, you know the ones, where I go "but what if something happens and we didn't speak?" Or, "this is so silly, why are we doing this? What a waste!" But then I just remind myself, it's not that I am not speaking to him, it is that I am respecting his decision to not speak to me. Is that the same thing? I mean, I am his mom, perhaps I should MAKE him speak to me? Perhaps I should plead my case for mean moms everywhere? I mean I am kinda down to three kids over here!!!...I am sure this is only a short term down-to-three-kids hiatus.
It is weird though. I raised this kid every single day for fifteen years! I gave him life...I grew him inside of me...I...I...I...am his MOM!!! And yet the peace ain't bad? Is this what being an empty-nester is like? Is this what it is like to have kids at college? Is this what it is like to allow your children to live their lives? Is this what it is like to let your kids have an opinion and manage their emotions and make adult decisions about how they feel about....ME?
I personally think I am pretty likable but I've been wrong before. So as we encroach on a full month without hearing about his cracked cell phone glass, how "mean" teachers are, and how it is every one's fault why he needs a new coat and gym shoes, I have been pretty ok.
I think about me dying and how he wouldn't be able to speak to me, but I think he would justify it and cope. I think that after a month of not speaking to me he would recognize that he was right and that I was rightfully the meanest mom...EVER. But until I bite the bullet, I will sit here wondering how he is coping without his mother, without me telling him not to do drugs, not to kiss girls and to brush his teeth. I suppose I am at ease because I did such a great job the first fifteen years.
So Cody, I know you read my blogs...I love you with all of my heart and soul. I think you are amazing and I wish we were speaking. BUT, if you are not ready to complain to me about the latest injustice in your life, I can wait. I will be in the hot tub, eating Bon Bons and drinking champagne...cause Lord knows that is what you think every stay-at-home mom does all day.
Love you much...Mom...
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