Why You Should Let Your Kids Fail
I am reading a book right now that discusses the importance of contrast. Contrast is the process that one uses throughout life to learn what he or she does and doesn't like. It is the method one uses to begin to come to a decision or destination. So in essence, Contrast is the way we make our way in a forwardly motion in life. It is the way we learn who we are, and it is how we get to where we are going, with everything.
I had never thought about "Contrast" in the way the authors present it, but I do know how "Contrast" has been used in my life, I just never looked at it this way. I never thought about Contrast when it came to cereal, cars or shoes. I never thought that on a minute by minute basis, I am constantly using Contrast to make every decision, form every thought and let go of, or hold on to, every "truth" in my life.
I say every truth because if you think about something long enough it becomes a belief and if you believe something long enough, it becomes a truth. For example, "I like minivans," or "I can't wake up early to workout." Those statements started as mere thoughts, then, became a belief and now has manifested as truths. We create our truths through Contrast.
It seems so elementary when it is put this way, but without thinking about what it is that brings us to the person we marry or the car that we are driving, we look at our decisions as a insulated moments of decision making, whereas, they are actually all lifelong processes of Contrast that has brought us to where we are.
So who cares? What does this mean to me? How does this affect my life in any way? I mean I just make decisions and go on with my life....right?
The reason that Contrast is so important is because once you realize that EACH and EVERY decision, thought, opinion, emotion and feeling, are a part of a Contrast moment, the journey of life becomes that much more OBVIOUSLY important. We can then stop viewing the "decision" or destination or goal, as being the most important part. We can begin to realize that without the walk, the journey, the everyday Contrasting moments, we never would have made it to the "end".... to here!!
The smallest moment of cream or sugar, flats or heals, 2 kids or 4 kids, California or Arizona, brings us to who we are, where we are and where we will end up going. The process, or finding out our likes, is what makes our present and our future. The process is what helps us decide who our mate will be, where we will work and everything else that makes our life what it is.
We are not merely a destination or goal. We are suppose to enjoy, and hopefully place importance, on the moment. We are suppose to appreciate the process of learning who we are. We cannot find out who we are or know what we like without finding out what we don't like. We are suppose to kiss "frogs," have crappy jobs, drive clunkers, hate our boss, make mistakes, wear heals in Old City Philly...so that we learn what NOT to do, what we don't like and WHO we don't like.
The next time you think that you are making a decision, think about all the days, Contrasting moments or people in your life that have brought you to the place you are in. Think about all the moments that have helped you to know yourself enough to know what you want OR what you don't want.
Realizing that our children are constantly in Contrasting moments, constantly SUPPOSE to have moments of failure or problems, or date jerks, or make mistakes to learn who they are or who they will eventually like, help us as parents appreciate and not fear the process. We have to let our children "fail" or struggle or be disappointed, for THEM to learn what works. We need to allow them to get in trouble, have the heartbreak, take the crappy job, so they can learn "I am never digging ditches again!"
We need to allow ourselves Contrast, but just as important, we need to allow our children Contrast. How do you think "time-outs," grounding and loss of privileges works! It is them realizing "I don't want to end up THERE again!" that makes kids learn....just like us!
We are in the process...enjoy it, feel the Contrast, recognize the Contrast and realize that we are within our own process of creation. Creation of our life, creation of who we will be tomorrow and creation of a life we haven't yet lived. How exciting, we ARE a part of the process right now, though learning... through Contrast.
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I had never thought about "Contrast" in the way the authors present it, but I do know how "Contrast" has been used in my life, I just never looked at it this way. I never thought about Contrast when it came to cereal, cars or shoes. I never thought that on a minute by minute basis, I am constantly using Contrast to make every decision, form every thought and let go of, or hold on to, every "truth" in my life.
I say every truth because if you think about something long enough it becomes a belief and if you believe something long enough, it becomes a truth. For example, "I like minivans," or "I can't wake up early to workout." Those statements started as mere thoughts, then, became a belief and now has manifested as truths. We create our truths through Contrast.
It seems so elementary when it is put this way, but without thinking about what it is that brings us to the person we marry or the car that we are driving, we look at our decisions as a insulated moments of decision making, whereas, they are actually all lifelong processes of Contrast that has brought us to where we are.
So who cares? What does this mean to me? How does this affect my life in any way? I mean I just make decisions and go on with my life....right?
The reason that Contrast is so important is because once you realize that EACH and EVERY decision, thought, opinion, emotion and feeling, are a part of a Contrast moment, the journey of life becomes that much more OBVIOUSLY important. We can then stop viewing the "decision" or destination or goal, as being the most important part. We can begin to realize that without the walk, the journey, the everyday Contrasting moments, we never would have made it to the "end".... to here!!
The smallest moment of cream or sugar, flats or heals, 2 kids or 4 kids, California or Arizona, brings us to who we are, where we are and where we will end up going. The process, or finding out our likes, is what makes our present and our future. The process is what helps us decide who our mate will be, where we will work and everything else that makes our life what it is.
We are not merely a destination or goal. We are suppose to enjoy, and hopefully place importance, on the moment. We are suppose to appreciate the process of learning who we are. We cannot find out who we are or know what we like without finding out what we don't like. We are suppose to kiss "frogs," have crappy jobs, drive clunkers, hate our boss, make mistakes, wear heals in Old City Philly...so that we learn what NOT to do, what we don't like and WHO we don't like.
The next time you think that you are making a decision, think about all the days, Contrasting moments or people in your life that have brought you to the place you are in. Think about all the moments that have helped you to know yourself enough to know what you want OR what you don't want.
Realizing that our children are constantly in Contrasting moments, constantly SUPPOSE to have moments of failure or problems, or date jerks, or make mistakes to learn who they are or who they will eventually like, help us as parents appreciate and not fear the process. We have to let our children "fail" or struggle or be disappointed, for THEM to learn what works. We need to allow them to get in trouble, have the heartbreak, take the crappy job, so they can learn "I am never digging ditches again!"
We need to allow ourselves Contrast, but just as important, we need to allow our children Contrast. How do you think "time-outs," grounding and loss of privileges works! It is them realizing "I don't want to end up THERE again!" that makes kids learn....just like us!
We are in the process...enjoy it, feel the Contrast, recognize the Contrast and realize that we are within our own process of creation. Creation of our life, creation of who we will be tomorrow and creation of a life we haven't yet lived. How exciting, we ARE a part of the process right now, though learning... through Contrast.
Click COMMENTS to leave a comment!!! Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
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