Is that a Mack truck in my back, or are you just happy to see me?

As we made our way to the car Jim  pulled up his car and it was then that I realized that my van would be staying at the doctor's office.  But..but...I need my van, there is "stuff" in there.  Um...I'm not sure we need to leave my van so much?  Jim helped me into his car and made his way back to the driver's seat and the stress of "he's not breathing" and the immediacy of our current trip to the hospital, bubbled up within his eyes and he finally released all that was in him.  Time to be the tough one..."everything is going to be fine" I told him.  "We get to meet our baby today! How lucky are we!" .... This is just to much, please let everything be ok. 


We checked into the hospital that slightly resembles the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, minus the slot machines and craps tables.  The hospital has only been open for two weeks and nobody, not even the staff, can make their way around the hospital.  The design of the hospital is that of true New Jersey design, such that nothing makes sense and everything is more difficult than it should be.  That being said, everyone there was kind...they just had no idea where they were going....ever.

I got to my delivery room, was given the very sexy "open in back" moo moo and navy blue socks and was shown the bed that would serve as baby-delivery-location in just a few hours.  I can't believe we are finally here? Amazing!  Because the baby, according to the ultrasound, was so big I began to give my doctor my Requests..."1) Do not use suction or forceps, just give me a c-section to get the baby out.  No screwing around. 2) If you have to give me a hysterectomy for any reason, please leave my ovaries. 3) Save the baby." 



She looked at me like I was nuts.  But I figure, better safe than sorry and I don't want Jim to have to make these decisions.  I want this crap decided and coming from MY mouth.  Drama, maybe.  Reality, definitely.

As my contractions began to heat up to, every four minutes (due to the SEVER internal the Nurse Practitioner so kindly gave me at the doctor's office), I changed my mind about the Epidural to NOW versus...maybe.  I get my tree branch...errr, IV put in, and as Dr. Woo entered my room to administer my Epidural I had a feeling that this Epidural wasn't going to be pleasant.  Ya ever just get THAT feeling?  


So as I hunched over my nurse, April, I was warned "first two pinches and then some pressure..." UM NO, HOW ABOUT TWO BOLTS OF ELECTRICITY AND THEN YOU ARE GOING TO DRIVE A MACK TRUCK BETWEEN MY VERTEBRAE...WHAT THE????!!!  "I have had a few Epidurals and I have never had them hurt this much...OUCH!!! Is this suppose to OUCH!!! SHIT!! hurt this much?  Is everything ok back there???" 


HOLY CRAP!  Ok...numb...um..can't feel my left leg...ok, who cares, I can't feel the contractions either.  Beggars can't be choosers as they say. 


A little while later the doctor came in and broke my water.  The water that was "poly" or "many" or "a hell of a lot of water is inside of you."  As she "broke" the bag of water she shielded herself from the Niagara Falls that was about to take her out.  Hey, it's not my fault, maybe next time I say "this baby needs to come out" when I am 38 weeks pregnant, someone will listen to me and we won't be swimming in amniotic fluid with "your baby's not breathing in there" going on!


I attempted to sleep for a bit as the contractions did their work to bring the baby down.  I listened to Jim snore in the reclining chair next to me.  I listened to the blood pressure cuff fill up and release.  I watched the monitors reflect the contractions that I couldn't feel but knew were there.  The room swished and beeped and exhaled around me.  But, hmmm, I wonder if it is ok that the baby's heartbeat drops to 89 when I have a contraction?  BEEP..."Nurse could you come in here...the baby's heartbeat keeps dropping?  I'm not sure that is suppose to happen?"


"It's fine" she said.  Whatever..what does she know anyway?  I'll keep an eye on it, gotta make sure nobody drops the ball around here.  All they can say is "sorry" if there is a screw up.  I will monitor everything.


BEEP..."Nurse, I am starting to feel pressure...I think? Can the doctor come in and check me?"  As my doctor came in and asked me to "push a bit."  Her eyes got wide, "ok, don't do that again, we are ready to deliver this baby!"  I then began bragging to her, "well, that was just a little push, I got a lot more where that came from!"  I am not good at much in life, but I can push a baby out with the best of them.  Too bad it isn't a sport in the Olympics or something...Oh, no, I am not joking.  


The doctor and nurses began to hurry around the room getting sheets and blankets and carts filled with equipment that I surely hoped would NEVER be used on me.  I can't believe it, we are finally going to have this baby and it is up to ME to get it out.  Let's focus Meredyth, you're on...you're the star, and it's up to you to get this baby out.  Deep breath....

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