Today I Bitch
So today I sort of freaked out. I mean we have just a little going on in our house and the load ain't gettin any lighter anytime soon...so I freaked.
Emersyn refused to go to bed last night so Jim was up till 10:30 sitting in the kitchen attempting to get her to go back to bed. As I laid upstairs listening to it all, feeling guilty that I wasn't helping, feeling guilty that HE was doing it all...oh, and he picked up Skylar from dance as well.
Then at 12:30 a.m. I was still awake because I was so hot I thought I was going to catch on fire. But we can't turn the air conditioning up because the thermostat is in Emersyn's room and we don't want to wake her. So I came downstairs, had a bowl of cereal and slept on the couch till 4:30 a.m. when Emersyn decided she had enough sleep. I heard her make her way up the steps to our bedroom and my stress level started to fly back up again, knowing Jim would soon be coming downstairs with our little angel to put her back to bed.
This continued with Emersyn for a few more HOURS, BUT--Jim was able to turn up the air conditioning, so I went back to bed. I could feel the cool air fill the bedroom, and wondered if Emersyn walking up was actually a gift from God. As I attempted to back to bed, the anxiety of Emersyn and Jim being awake, Cody moving, Skylar being ---ok, Skylar is lacking drama this week--Jim's job drama, the impending delivery of the unborn, did my water just break? When is this darn baby going to come as EVERYONE KEEPS WONDERING?!?!?!
Then there is Cody that wants me to go on a class trip with him. We can't bring siblings so that won't work as I am going to breastfeed and the trip is an all-day event. Guilt.
Then there is the bedroom situation that is rearing it's ugly head again because if my mom comes (or when she comes) she is not the quietest person in the world and has zero concept of "the baby is sleeping" so we are going to move Emersyn BACK upstairs and move Cody downstairs.....
NOT THAT ANY OF THIS IS ON MY FREAKING MIND OR ANYTHING>!?!?!*^@*&$ I AM READY TO LOSE IT!!! I just want to bring home a gosh darn baby and have a bedroom for it and not have to play children roulette to try and make all this crap work. I just want it to be easy and calm. I just want to not have to stress about it all.
** yes, I know some people will never get to bring home a baby. yes, I know some people would be happy to just have a home. Yes, I know I am complaining about nothing that matters--BUT give me a moment to be frustrated, stressed and freaking the sam heck out about all the crap that is going on in this house.
And then there is the fact that all of this is going on and I feel like I don't even KNOW my husband anymore because all we do is ....I DON'T KNOW, but it feels like we aren't even in the same house these days?
Ok, sweating again and the air conditioning is blowing...yes, I know, some people don't have air conditioning...I know. But this is my blog and today I am complaining.
Please God, let this all work out. Please let Emersyn learn that we don't get out of bed. Please let me get through Cody moving. Please let me get some energy back so that I can do a better job of helping Jim with the kids. Please let me deliver a healthy baby. Please...cause I just don't know if I can keep it together much longer...
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Emersyn refused to go to bed last night so Jim was up till 10:30 sitting in the kitchen attempting to get her to go back to bed. As I laid upstairs listening to it all, feeling guilty that I wasn't helping, feeling guilty that HE was doing it all...oh, and he picked up Skylar from dance as well.
Then at 12:30 a.m. I was still awake because I was so hot I thought I was going to catch on fire. But we can't turn the air conditioning up because the thermostat is in Emersyn's room and we don't want to wake her. So I came downstairs, had a bowl of cereal and slept on the couch till 4:30 a.m. when Emersyn decided she had enough sleep. I heard her make her way up the steps to our bedroom and my stress level started to fly back up again, knowing Jim would soon be coming downstairs with our little angel to put her back to bed.
This continued with Emersyn for a few more HOURS, BUT--Jim was able to turn up the air conditioning, so I went back to bed. I could feel the cool air fill the bedroom, and wondered if Emersyn walking up was actually a gift from God. As I attempted to back to bed, the anxiety of Emersyn and Jim being awake, Cody moving, Skylar being ---ok, Skylar is lacking drama this week--Jim's job drama, the impending delivery of the unborn, did my water just break? When is this darn baby going to come as EVERYONE KEEPS WONDERING?!?!?!
Then there is Cody that wants me to go on a class trip with him. We can't bring siblings so that won't work as I am going to breastfeed and the trip is an all-day event. Guilt.
Then there is the bedroom situation that is rearing it's ugly head again because if my mom comes (or when she comes) she is not the quietest person in the world and has zero concept of "the baby is sleeping" so we are going to move Emersyn BACK upstairs and move Cody downstairs.....
NOT THAT ANY OF THIS IS ON MY FREAKING MIND OR ANYTHING>!?!?!*^@*&$ I AM READY TO LOSE IT!!! I just want to bring home a gosh darn baby and have a bedroom for it and not have to play children roulette to try and make all this crap work. I just want it to be easy and calm. I just want to not have to stress about it all.
** yes, I know some people will never get to bring home a baby. yes, I know some people would be happy to just have a home. Yes, I know I am complaining about nothing that matters--BUT give me a moment to be frustrated, stressed and freaking the sam heck out about all the crap that is going on in this house.
And then there is the fact that all of this is going on and I feel like I don't even KNOW my husband anymore because all we do is ....I DON'T KNOW, but it feels like we aren't even in the same house these days?
Ok, sweating again and the air conditioning is blowing...yes, I know, some people don't have air conditioning...I know. But this is my blog and today I am complaining.
Please God, let this all work out. Please let Emersyn learn that we don't get out of bed. Please let me get through Cody moving. Please let me get some energy back so that I can do a better job of helping Jim with the kids. Please let me deliver a healthy baby. Please...cause I just don't know if I can keep it together much longer...
Click COMMENTS to leave a comment!!! Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
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