You GET to PICK this one!

For whatever reason, the other day I had an epiphany.  It dawned on me that the ONLY family member  you will ever get to choose, is your spouse.  The only one!  Your kids, your parents and siblings are who they are, but your spouse is the person that you "get" to live with your entire life, AND you get to choose him!

So why in the world is America's divorce rate around 60%?  Why are there countless people cheating on their spouses and looking for love outside of their marriage?  Why do I see soooo many people who HATE their spouse?

YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON!! NOBODY MADE YOU ENTER INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP? WHAT GIVES?

For one I think people get married way to young.  I think that if you get married before you are 30 years old you are asking for trouble. I have addressed this in other blog posts, but will never veer from this belief.   A person is so different in their 20's and they can't help but change into someone their partner will not recognize in years to come.



People feel like they "own" their spouse.  They attempt to CREATE their spouse from what their marriage fantasy was versus what reality is.  They feel that they are in charge of what their partner DOES, SAYS, ACTS LIKE, THINKS and FEELS, and when they can't control these, the fighting, controlling and breakdown of the relationship begins.

This controlling starts because their vision of marriage is not panning out quite like they planned.   The individuals ENTERING into the marriage are not ready to uphold whatever picture they have painted for their betrothed.  They are going into the marriage believing that going out with their friends 3 nights a week, golfing twice a week and continuing with their "bachelor" lifestyle is what "being" in a marriage is.  Whereas their spouse is ready to settle down, and begin a family, without all the college roommates crashing on their new Pottery Barn couch!

I think one of the greatest gifts Jim and I received was "living through" a two year long-distance relationship.  During those two years we TALKED more than any couple could!  He courted me when we saw each other, and when we were apart we discussed our views, dreams, visions of marriage, child rearing and everything in between!  We talked about it all, and it allowed us to enter into our marriage without any "what ifs" or "well I don't knows?"  We each knew what the other EXPECTED of marriage and AFTER we got married and moved in together, there were no surprises.

I think today to many people just assume...well, everything.  They think that when they get married everything will change, fall into place or be the way they hope or envision marriage to be.  But the thing is, the worst of your relationship will continue to be the threshold of what the worst CAN and WILL be. And the best of your relationship, will most likely be the threshold of the best.  That being said, if you are in a good marriage, the bests will get better, but YOU should assume that if he won't get off the couch today, he won't get off the couch tomorrow.  And if he forgot your birthday when you were dating, life ain't getting much better.

You GET to pick this family member.  You GET to decide how your life will be with the person YOU are CHOOSING to spend the rest of your life with!! You get to date and be friends with and watch and ask questions BEFORE you make the biggest decision of your life!! Make it a decision and NOT something you just fall into!

No other decision you ever make will EVER be more important than who you marry.  It will affect everything you do, your happiness, your home, your children, your job, your finances.... EVERYTHING!  Nothing is this important, so make it as such.

Just think if you could have done this type of decision making when picking your crazy Aunt Martha... I'm saying you would have been just a little pickier!!!

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