The Empty Nest On Mother's Day
There is so much information on pregnancy, babies, childhood, teens, and how to cope with all of the stages in between. There is information about birth plans and how-to's on discipline, alcohol and teens and raising a strong-willed child. At times we feel like we are able to walk into a library or bookstore and have every question answered with the swipe of a library card.
We watch our friends raise their children and take notes on what we feel will work. We hear stories of epidurals and what preschools to choose. We have all the information we need and everyone is willing to share and talk about what they are dealing with.
But then something happens. These children that we have dedicated our entire lives to LEAVE! They pack their bags, grab their pillows and blankets, and are off to college or an apartment or the service, but only for a little while, right? That is what we hold on to. That is what allows our brains to cope with our little angels leaving us...oh, that and a solid dose of teen years to push us right over the edge.
But then they are 22 and then they are 24 and now these children of ours aren't teens anymore. They aren't pains, and they aren't coming back? These 20-somethings are out and about and making their way. They are living their lives and they are doing it without us. Ummm, so now what?
I have said before that the 20's are the most difficult time in a parent's life. 20-somethings are just toddlers with freedom and a 20% interest credit card. They are out in the world flailing around without OUR guidance and expertise to help them make ALL the RIGHT decisions that we know they DEFINITELY need to listen to.
But nobody prepares us for this. Nobody tells us that we will have to find something to fill the countless hours that we use to spend driving and sitting and watching and yelling....and loving. Nobody tells us how our first and second and third Mother's Day, without our child being with us, will feel. Nobody tells us how it is going to feel when our son picks his girlfriend's home to spend Christmas, instead of ours? Nobody tells us what to do with all that love and energy and time that we use to spend on these children, who now have their own lives.
The empty nest is like menopause, everyone knows it's coming but nobody is actually talking about how it really feels. And from what I can tell, it all feels like a big punch in the stomach.
Yesterday on Facebook I saw countless "children" who wished their mothers a Happy Mother's Day...to heaven. Expressing how they miss their moms and how everyone should really relish in the ability to spend time with the moms that we still have "by our side." How difficult it must be to "celebrate" your first mother's day, without mom. But how difficult it also must be to "celebrate" Mother's Day WITHOUT your children!
Yesterday I wrote my kids a little something that expressed WHY I am able to celebrate Mother's Day, and the reason is THEM! Without THEM, there is no Mother's Day for me. I am "just" a woman eating pancakes on a Sunday. THEY are the reason I am a Mother. So what do I do when the day comes and they aren't bounding down the steps to give me the card they picked out? What am I going to do with that time? What am I going to do when they themselves are moms, or are celebrating their wives?
I am then just a woman eating pancakes on a Sunday?
So I am getting ready now! While there is still one cooking inside of me. While I still have one "on deck" for preschool. I am going to prepare myself for when they all leave me and aren't here to fight over Mother's Day brunch. I am going to prepare myself for the day I realize they aren't coming back. I am going to mentally fill my life with work and life and love WITHOUT my children.
Yeah, it's not working out quite the way I planned it would when I began this blog? I just can't wrap my mind around it. Perhaps this is again like menopause?
We all THINK we want a break. We all think we will love the silence. We all think we will love the freedom. But if that were the life we wanted we wouldn't have filled our homes with all these kids. We wouldn't have dedicated our lives to these little people that make us worry and love and work so very hard. We invite the chaos and noise, because without it, we are just adults eating pancakes on a Sunday morning, and who's ready for that?
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We watch our friends raise their children and take notes on what we feel will work. We hear stories of epidurals and what preschools to choose. We have all the information we need and everyone is willing to share and talk about what they are dealing with.
But then something happens. These children that we have dedicated our entire lives to LEAVE! They pack their bags, grab their pillows and blankets, and are off to college or an apartment or the service, but only for a little while, right? That is what we hold on to. That is what allows our brains to cope with our little angels leaving us...oh, that and a solid dose of teen years to push us right over the edge.
But then they are 22 and then they are 24 and now these children of ours aren't teens anymore. They aren't pains, and they aren't coming back? These 20-somethings are out and about and making their way. They are living their lives and they are doing it without us. Ummm, so now what?
I have said before that the 20's are the most difficult time in a parent's life. 20-somethings are just toddlers with freedom and a 20% interest credit card. They are out in the world flailing around without OUR guidance and expertise to help them make ALL the RIGHT decisions that we know they DEFINITELY need to listen to.
But nobody prepares us for this. Nobody tells us that we will have to find something to fill the countless hours that we use to spend driving and sitting and watching and yelling....and loving. Nobody tells us how our first and second and third Mother's Day, without our child being with us, will feel. Nobody tells us how it is going to feel when our son picks his girlfriend's home to spend Christmas, instead of ours? Nobody tells us what to do with all that love and energy and time that we use to spend on these children, who now have their own lives.
The empty nest is like menopause, everyone knows it's coming but nobody is actually talking about how it really feels. And from what I can tell, it all feels like a big punch in the stomach.
Yesterday on Facebook I saw countless "children" who wished their mothers a Happy Mother's Day...to heaven. Expressing how they miss their moms and how everyone should really relish in the ability to spend time with the moms that we still have "by our side." How difficult it must be to "celebrate" your first mother's day, without mom. But how difficult it also must be to "celebrate" Mother's Day WITHOUT your children!
Yesterday I wrote my kids a little something that expressed WHY I am able to celebrate Mother's Day, and the reason is THEM! Without THEM, there is no Mother's Day for me. I am "just" a woman eating pancakes on a Sunday. THEY are the reason I am a Mother. So what do I do when the day comes and they aren't bounding down the steps to give me the card they picked out? What am I going to do with that time? What am I going to do when they themselves are moms, or are celebrating their wives?
I am then just a woman eating pancakes on a Sunday?
So I am getting ready now! While there is still one cooking inside of me. While I still have one "on deck" for preschool. I am going to prepare myself for when they all leave me and aren't here to fight over Mother's Day brunch. I am going to prepare myself for the day I realize they aren't coming back. I am going to mentally fill my life with work and life and love WITHOUT my children.
Yeah, it's not working out quite the way I planned it would when I began this blog? I just can't wrap my mind around it. Perhaps this is again like menopause?
We all THINK we want a break. We all think we will love the silence. We all think we will love the freedom. But if that were the life we wanted we wouldn't have filled our homes with all these kids. We wouldn't have dedicated our lives to these little people that make us worry and love and work so very hard. We invite the chaos and noise, because without it, we are just adults eating pancakes on a Sunday morning, and who's ready for that?
Click COMMENTS to leave a comment!!! Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
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