Taking a Leap is Scary
This past weekend I went from a state of "I CAN DO THAT!!" to "I don't know if I can do anything..." in a matter of a few hours. Nothing necessarily "happened" per say, I just lost all of my confidence. I have entered the phase of "eat, sleep and barely be able to do" in this pregnancy so now I wake up, make breakfast, clean up, do something with Emersyn, lunch, nap and make-it till dinner. So my free-time is now occupied by naps, so I feel like I am never getting anything done....ever. This is affecting me.
I am usually the type of person that tiles bathrooms, replaces toilets, landscapes and does does does. However right now making dinner and doing laundry are tasks that are usually followed-up by a plop on the couch. I just want my body back and I have seven more weeks before it is returned!
I just feel so darn worthless and I think this feeling of worthlessness is seeping from my physical abilities over to my mental and professional abilities. Ya see I am attempting to learn a new form of healing and it is pretty much a matter of "letting go" and believing in myself. Not just a "I can ski down that hill" sort of believing in myself, but a "I am special and have this ability and can do this" sort of belief.
It is a belief that everything I have ever known, is now absolutely true. It is the absolute realization that everything that I have believed since I was a kid, is actually a reality and I can be a part of it. It is me stepping into a pair of shoes that have been mine all along. How is that possible? How can it be that this was saved for me? How can it be that I have actually had a path all along? How can it be that I have a purpose? I'm just Meredyth!?!
So if I screw it up, if I can't do it, if I fail....I fail at the one thing that I want. Perhaps I will just know it is over "there" and it is possible, and that's that. I mean I already do TBA, why do I need to stretch it? Why do I need to go there? Why can't I just be happy where I am at and be done with it?
Where's Skylar when I need her? She is always the first to tell me to "just go for it mom!!" She is always there to tell me that I can do it! She always believes in everything I do...I just need her words to tell me to not be afraid.
I don't know what happened? I went from "I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MY HANDS ON THIS AND DO IT!" What happened? Where'd I lose that?
I know it is in me. Ya know when you just know that you are on the right path? Ya know when you do something or hear something and ya just know...."this is for me!" That's where I am at.
I just know that this is so much bigger that me. I just know that this will change everything for me. I just know that when I learn this, do this, and take this leap, I am entering a place that has been waiting for me. That is a lot to realize...I mean I am not that special. I am just Meredyth?!?
I will keep ya posted. I will let you know if I found my mojo and let go of the fear. I will let you know if I stopped making excuses and "went for it." Because if I do...sorry, when I do, I will finally be putting on the "shoes" I was always meant to wear.
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I am usually the type of person that tiles bathrooms, replaces toilets, landscapes and does does does. However right now making dinner and doing laundry are tasks that are usually followed-up by a plop on the couch. I just want my body back and I have seven more weeks before it is returned!
I just feel so darn worthless and I think this feeling of worthlessness is seeping from my physical abilities over to my mental and professional abilities. Ya see I am attempting to learn a new form of healing and it is pretty much a matter of "letting go" and believing in myself. Not just a "I can ski down that hill" sort of believing in myself, but a "I am special and have this ability and can do this" sort of belief.
It is a belief that everything I have ever known, is now absolutely true. It is the absolute realization that everything that I have believed since I was a kid, is actually a reality and I can be a part of it. It is me stepping into a pair of shoes that have been mine all along. How is that possible? How can it be that this was saved for me? How can it be that I have actually had a path all along? How can it be that I have a purpose? I'm just Meredyth!?!
So if I screw it up, if I can't do it, if I fail....I fail at the one thing that I want. Perhaps I will just know it is over "there" and it is possible, and that's that. I mean I already do TBA, why do I need to stretch it? Why do I need to go there? Why can't I just be happy where I am at and be done with it?
Where's Skylar when I need her? She is always the first to tell me to "just go for it mom!!" She is always there to tell me that I can do it! She always believes in everything I do...I just need her words to tell me to not be afraid.
I don't know what happened? I went from "I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MY HANDS ON THIS AND DO IT!" What happened? Where'd I lose that?
I know it is in me. Ya know when you just know that you are on the right path? Ya know when you do something or hear something and ya just know...."this is for me!" That's where I am at.
I just know that this is so much bigger that me. I just know that this will change everything for me. I just know that when I learn this, do this, and take this leap, I am entering a place that has been waiting for me. That is a lot to realize...I mean I am not that special. I am just Meredyth?!?
I will keep ya posted. I will let you know if I found my mojo and let go of the fear. I will let you know if I stopped making excuses and "went for it." Because if I do...sorry, when I do, I will finally be putting on the "shoes" I was always meant to wear.
Click COMMENTS to leave a comment!!! Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
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