Feeling Misunderstood at Times
Perspective is everything. I read an autobiography by Naomi Judd where she describes how her perspective on her childhood was so different than that of her sister's that when they spoke about growing up, it seemed as if they lived in different homes! Naomi's perspective of holidays, discipline and the family's finances were so different, they had to agree to disagree about "who" there parents were.
I totally get that, and when speaking to my siblings, I see that we have such a different take, not only on what our family was like, but what I was like. When someone sees your actions, you forget that they are not in your head to know why you are doing them. They don't see the perspective that you are seeing life. They don't understand the feelings, experiences and emotions that you are making your decisions based on. They only can see the haphazard decisions and actions that you are taking, lacking the full understanding of what those actions are based upon.
I think that as an adult, the closest we ever come to feeling this "misunderstood" is when going through a divorce. Which is why most people, when going through a divorce, spend so much of their time and energy running around telling everyone "their side" of where they are coming from and why they are making the decisions they are making. They want people to see things from their perspective. They want everyone to "get it!"
The hard part about it all is when you know that a person in your life will NEVER see things from your perspective no matter how you try and explain yourself. It is so very difficult to be in a relationship with someone when the situation GOES PAST agreeing to disagree. It is like if your estranged spouse is telling all of YOUR friends HIS side of the divorce and you are left wondering "what the heck is happening?" Why doesn't anyone understand what I am saying here? Why doesn't anyone GET what I am trying to tell them.
So do you give up trying to explain yourself? Do you just throw in the towel on trying to get people to see things from your perspective?
What about if that person is attempting to alter the perspective in people around you? This is what happens in a divorce, when the estranged spouse attempts to get the kids to see things from the "other" parent's perspective. When the parent attempts to change the child's view of his/her "other" parent. Why would anyone ever want a child to see his or her parent in a negative light? What good would it ever do to make a child see his or her parent as "bad?"
What steps do you take to keep your children "safe" from these types of people or situations? When do you say enough is enough and "you are no longer safe for my kids to be around?"
My ex husband and I do a really great job of this. Although I don't agree with EVERYTHING he does at all times, and I am sure he questions some of my parenting, we respect each other AND OUR KIDS enough to allow our kids the opportunity to make their own decisions about their world, and they will. No kid is ever the product of an awful parent that doesn't grow up knowing they are the child of an awful parent....they figure it out on their own.
I don't speak bad about teachers, parents, kids, ex-husbands or people at stop lights. I just don't see it necessary to "plant" things in my kids heads. I may speak about people's actions or behaviors that my kids should note, i.e. "Skylar if you were at dance class and I told your best friend all these awful things about you while you were gone, how would that make you feel." This way I am not saying anything bad about anyone, I am merely showing her how being disloyal and sneaky are bad qualities, but never speaking about anyone in particular.
I am finding adulthood very difficult because it seems that some people in my life do not understand who I am. I don't feel, (as cliche as it is), UNDERSTOOD, and I am not exactly sure why?
I am not a person to ever run around explaining myself to everyone, nor am I a person to "get people on my side." I guess I just don't care enough or have the energy. I don't care if anyone sees why I got a divorce, I don't care if anyone sees why I married Jim and I don't care if anyone understands my line of work. I don't even care if anyone likes the way I parent.
So maybe that is it? I don't care if anyone "gets it," and so they don't? They don't see my perspective, so they don't know it, so they don't understand it? Do I need to get on the phone and explain myself? Do I need to tell everyone where I am coming from?
Jim gets me. Skylar gets me and I hope Cody and Emersyn get me. I hope that these four people in my life understand my heart and the love I have for them and humanity. I hope they can see how hard I try, how I don't speak bad about people, how I lead in love by example and how I put my husband and children above everything on Earth. I hope that their perspective of me is that of a mom and wife that loved everyone, was kind to people and was as real as dirt. I hope they can see that I hurt, and cry and try to connect with them and want the best for them.
I don't need to tell anyone these things. I don't need to get anyone to see my side. I only need to be me, to act according to who I am. They each will have their own perspective of who I am and how they grew up. But for me, as long as their perspective is of a mom that loved them, is LOYAL to them and was there for them, I can live with that. Even if Emersyn thinks I am nicer to Cody than her at times...
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I totally get that, and when speaking to my siblings, I see that we have such a different take, not only on what our family was like, but what I was like. When someone sees your actions, you forget that they are not in your head to know why you are doing them. They don't see the perspective that you are seeing life. They don't understand the feelings, experiences and emotions that you are making your decisions based on. They only can see the haphazard decisions and actions that you are taking, lacking the full understanding of what those actions are based upon.
I think that as an adult, the closest we ever come to feeling this "misunderstood" is when going through a divorce. Which is why most people, when going through a divorce, spend so much of their time and energy running around telling everyone "their side" of where they are coming from and why they are making the decisions they are making. They want people to see things from their perspective. They want everyone to "get it!"
The hard part about it all is when you know that a person in your life will NEVER see things from your perspective no matter how you try and explain yourself. It is so very difficult to be in a relationship with someone when the situation GOES PAST agreeing to disagree. It is like if your estranged spouse is telling all of YOUR friends HIS side of the divorce and you are left wondering "what the heck is happening?" Why doesn't anyone understand what I am saying here? Why doesn't anyone GET what I am trying to tell them.
So do you give up trying to explain yourself? Do you just throw in the towel on trying to get people to see things from your perspective?
What about if that person is attempting to alter the perspective in people around you? This is what happens in a divorce, when the estranged spouse attempts to get the kids to see things from the "other" parent's perspective. When the parent attempts to change the child's view of his/her "other" parent. Why would anyone ever want a child to see his or her parent in a negative light? What good would it ever do to make a child see his or her parent as "bad?"
What steps do you take to keep your children "safe" from these types of people or situations? When do you say enough is enough and "you are no longer safe for my kids to be around?"
My ex husband and I do a really great job of this. Although I don't agree with EVERYTHING he does at all times, and I am sure he questions some of my parenting, we respect each other AND OUR KIDS enough to allow our kids the opportunity to make their own decisions about their world, and they will. No kid is ever the product of an awful parent that doesn't grow up knowing they are the child of an awful parent....they figure it out on their own.
I don't speak bad about teachers, parents, kids, ex-husbands or people at stop lights. I just don't see it necessary to "plant" things in my kids heads. I may speak about people's actions or behaviors that my kids should note, i.e. "Skylar if you were at dance class and I told your best friend all these awful things about you while you were gone, how would that make you feel." This way I am not saying anything bad about anyone, I am merely showing her how being disloyal and sneaky are bad qualities, but never speaking about anyone in particular.
I am finding adulthood very difficult because it seems that some people in my life do not understand who I am. I don't feel, (as cliche as it is), UNDERSTOOD, and I am not exactly sure why?
I am not a person to ever run around explaining myself to everyone, nor am I a person to "get people on my side." I guess I just don't care enough or have the energy. I don't care if anyone sees why I got a divorce, I don't care if anyone sees why I married Jim and I don't care if anyone understands my line of work. I don't even care if anyone likes the way I parent.
So maybe that is it? I don't care if anyone "gets it," and so they don't? They don't see my perspective, so they don't know it, so they don't understand it? Do I need to get on the phone and explain myself? Do I need to tell everyone where I am coming from?
Jim gets me. Skylar gets me and I hope Cody and Emersyn get me. I hope that these four people in my life understand my heart and the love I have for them and humanity. I hope they can see how hard I try, how I don't speak bad about people, how I lead in love by example and how I put my husband and children above everything on Earth. I hope that their perspective of me is that of a mom and wife that loved everyone, was kind to people and was as real as dirt. I hope they can see that I hurt, and cry and try to connect with them and want the best for them.
I don't need to tell anyone these things. I don't need to get anyone to see my side. I only need to be me, to act according to who I am. They each will have their own perspective of who I am and how they grew up. But for me, as long as their perspective is of a mom that loved them, is LOYAL to them and was there for them, I can live with that. Even if Emersyn thinks I am nicer to Cody than her at times...
Click COMMENTS to leave a comment!!! Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
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