Entering the White Room of Insanity

Every Thursday night I become a part of THE MORON SHOW at my daughter's gymnastics class.  No, I am not speaking about Skylar, ya silly.  I am speaking about the Morons in the waiting room.  The waiting room is the white room with metal chairs that looks out into the gym where you can watch your child do gymnastics. This is where you, as a parent, can relax, leaf through a magazine, check your email or read a book.  You do this relaxing while looking up periodically, to give your kids a thumb's up!

I, on the other hand have been blessed with the MORONS who also have a daughter in gymnastics at the same time I do.  These aren't just normal MORONS, these are super special MORONS of which I have never seen the likes of before.

The first time I met brother moron, he explained to me how the two girls (the one in gymnastics and the 2 year old that is in the waiting room with the morons) are his nieces, but HE actually physically delivered them from his body...HUH???!! I smiled politely.  He said "no, people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them that I physically delivered them, I mean people don't think it is possible, but I did."  If this isn't the most inappropriate, weird conversation ever, I don't know what is.


I smiled politely....



The next week I got to spend an hour and a half with the SISTER MORON.  This is a woman who talks so loudly on her cell phone, about situations where SHE is the moron.  For example, (loudly mind you), "yeah, I expected to get my ass chewed out by the boss this morning but I guess he is saving that for tomorrow.  I am so tired of this crap from him."  Yeah, so we all get to hear that not only is she a moron mom, but she is also a moron employee.  Oh, and each person that calls her, she tells them the same story.  So if I was at all wondering if perhaps she just has a mean boss, I am now positive that she deserves, said ass chewing.

Did I mention her two year old's name?  Yeah, it is Zaporah.  Pronounced, Za-POOR-ah.  And when the moron says it, literally 100x in an hour and a half, you wish that you were dead, or being beat in a prison or something equally as awful, because there is nothing quite as painful as hearing Zaphorah 100x.  "Zaporah did you poop?" OR "Zaporah eat your pretzels, that's your dinner."  OR "Zaporah, look at sissy doing gymnastics."  Zaphorah Zaporah Zaphorah...really? I will pay you to never say her name ever again!

So then there is brother/uncle moron which I have come to realize pays for the gymnastics classes.  And because of this arrangement, he feels entitled to say, do and be in charge of his two nieces and all that they do.  Last week.....

"I am not sure if Jackie thinks she is having a sleepover this weekend, but she isn't doing shit out there and there is no way she is having a sleepover if she is going to be that lazy at gymnastics!"  said brother MORON.

Then there is what he says to ZAPHORAH, "I'm going to punch you!" OR "If you roll that car on the window again, I am going to roll it over your butt and you aren't going to like it."  HUH?

Or there is how brother MORON makes fun of sister MORON.  So he announces to the white room that he and his sister talk and sound alike.  So then every time she speaks to anyone in the room, on the phone or addresses her Zaporah, he starts mocking her in this low monotone voice repeating everything she says...  He then adds the stoner laugh after he is done mocking her.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS????!!!!!

So I started Facebooking what they said last week.  All this pent up insanity was building up inside of me and I didn't know what to do so I started posting what they say on my wall.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  All this frustration and amazement was building up and I was ready to let the MORONS have it.  So I got it out on Facebook...thank gosh!

I am just amazed at the things people say, do and the way they act in public.  Why do they...oh, wait, they are morons...I forgot.  This is only the half of it....I could go on and on....they are amazing.  Seriously you feel like you are being punked, or inside a Saturday Night Live skit...it is that unreal!

And then there was when he almost ripped the car door off sister MORON'S car because the car door started to close on ZAPHORAH.  We were parked next to them and sister moron started screaming to "not break off the door because I can't afford to fix it."  HUH?  Brother Moron is capable of breaking off the door of the car? What is going on in that house.  So I quickly told Skylar to lock our car door and DON'T LOOK OVER AT THEM!!! I am wondering if they live together? How weird is this relationship exactly? Stay tuned, I am sure they are just about to let us in on that little nugget.

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