Psycho Dad and What I WANTED to Say!
I believe as a society we like to find fault in everyone and everything, and our children are no exception. I was talking to someone about Cody the other day and how I wanted to change the way I look at things. I said "he gets straight A's, he wakes up on his own and gets himself to school every day, he does all his homework without even a suggestion from me, he is a good athlete, he doesn't do drugs or go crazy with the girls, he does his own laundry...." I mean if you look at the big picture I have the perfect son! Honestly! And those things are 95% of what makes up a day in a child. But then there is the 5% that seems to take over my household that I can't help seeing as 99% of who Cody is, what gives?
A few years ago I read or heard somewhere to not focus on the few things your child CAN'T do and only focus on what your kid CAN do. So I try and do that.
Skylar is the most creative, intelligent, kind person in the whole world. If I would have put in an order to God and was able to custom create the perfect daughter, she would be it, BUT she can't spell to save her damn life. I mean NOTHING! We can barely read her notes in the morning....but I could care less. Somehow she manages to make the Honor Roll at school, she is a leader at school and is in more activities that I care to count, so who cares that she can't spell? That is what spell check is for, right?
And then there is Emersyn, she has learned on her own to count to ten in Spanish and English. She has been using complete sentences for months, she cleans up all her toys when at home or in public. She listens to everything I say, including, "can you throw this in the dirty clothes for me" or "can you put this in my bedroom for me." She follow commands, listens when it is time to leave a place and sits at the table for dinner without incident. BUT, she refuses to potty train and she still uses a binky!
So do I focus on the spelling, binky and potty training, or do I turn my cheek and focus on the positives? Am I not being a mom by not pushing my kids to be better than they are? Do I focus on what my kids need to work on, or do I praise them for all that they are doing well?
I know some moms that still dote over their 14 year olds for their every meal, homework and other life skills. Cody has been getting up with his own alarm clock since he has been in kindergarten!! He's amazing!
But somewhere there is that little something telling me to work on this or fix that and make them better. Granted we can't just focus on only the good stuff and let our children flail in the wind because we never want to guide our children for fear of "hurting their feelings and stunting their egos." Lord knows if you know me that is NOT me at all! I am just speaking about when we FOCUS on the negative.
I was at a wrestling practice the other day. There were kids there from about 5th grade through 8th grade. As I sat in the observation area amongst the other parents I sat a few feet away from Psycho Dad. This guy made the meanest faces I have ever seen. His son was probably in 5th grade and was doing, what I thought, was a really terrific job practicing his wrestling moves. He would then look up after the drill was over, glance up at his dad and get "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR, KEEP WRESTLING!!!!" Holy crap! I was scared and he wasn't even speaking to me! Grrrrr..."wrestle already, look at your opponent, stop screwing around!" the Psycho Dad would yell.
I was amazed, I wanted to say something so bad I had to bite my tongue. "Hey super douche, your 5th grade son is only looking up to see if you saw what he just did. He is looking for your approval and although is he working his butt off tonight and killing himself to be the best he can be, you refuse to recognize this. He is making sure you are watching because he loves you and he wants for just one simple second for you to smile or give him a thumbs up or, how about just not act like YOU for a moment in his life?! Oh, and please don't wonder when your super stud wrestling son in on drugs in 10th grade because he has completely gone of the damn deep end because his dad never loved him enough to be kind to him, YOU could only be critical and mean and ugly."
But that was all just in my little wrestling Psycho Dad fantasy...I, of course, said nothing.
So today I am going to work on continuing to focus on the positive. To focus on what my kids (and I) are doing right, good and positive. I am going to think of Psycho Dad and ask myself "do my kids see HIM right now when they are looking at me?!" For the love of Pete, I hope not. Because the thing is, the whole world is out there judging our kids, ranking our kids and telling our kids they aren't good enough, thin enough, pretty enough or smart enough and I don't think they need me to pile on. Today I am going to be kind to myself and them, even if it means binkys, diapers and not having a clue what Skylar is telling me in those morning notes! I mean I can't spell either, who am I to say anything?
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A few years ago I read or heard somewhere to not focus on the few things your child CAN'T do and only focus on what your kid CAN do. So I try and do that.
Skylar is the most creative, intelligent, kind person in the whole world. If I would have put in an order to God and was able to custom create the perfect daughter, she would be it, BUT she can't spell to save her damn life. I mean NOTHING! We can barely read her notes in the morning....but I could care less. Somehow she manages to make the Honor Roll at school, she is a leader at school and is in more activities that I care to count, so who cares that she can't spell? That is what spell check is for, right?
And then there is Emersyn, she has learned on her own to count to ten in Spanish and English. She has been using complete sentences for months, she cleans up all her toys when at home or in public. She listens to everything I say, including, "can you throw this in the dirty clothes for me" or "can you put this in my bedroom for me." She follow commands, listens when it is time to leave a place and sits at the table for dinner without incident. BUT, she refuses to potty train and she still uses a binky!
So do I focus on the spelling, binky and potty training, or do I turn my cheek and focus on the positives? Am I not being a mom by not pushing my kids to be better than they are? Do I focus on what my kids need to work on, or do I praise them for all that they are doing well?
I know some moms that still dote over their 14 year olds for their every meal, homework and other life skills. Cody has been getting up with his own alarm clock since he has been in kindergarten!! He's amazing!
But somewhere there is that little something telling me to work on this or fix that and make them better. Granted we can't just focus on only the good stuff and let our children flail in the wind because we never want to guide our children for fear of "hurting their feelings and stunting their egos." Lord knows if you know me that is NOT me at all! I am just speaking about when we FOCUS on the negative.
I was at a wrestling practice the other day. There were kids there from about 5th grade through 8th grade. As I sat in the observation area amongst the other parents I sat a few feet away from Psycho Dad. This guy made the meanest faces I have ever seen. His son was probably in 5th grade and was doing, what I thought, was a really terrific job practicing his wrestling moves. He would then look up after the drill was over, glance up at his dad and get "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR, KEEP WRESTLING!!!!" Holy crap! I was scared and he wasn't even speaking to me! Grrrrr..."wrestle already, look at your opponent, stop screwing around!" the Psycho Dad would yell.
I was amazed, I wanted to say something so bad I had to bite my tongue. "Hey super douche, your 5th grade son is only looking up to see if you saw what he just did. He is looking for your approval and although is he working his butt off tonight and killing himself to be the best he can be, you refuse to recognize this. He is making sure you are watching because he loves you and he wants for just one simple second for you to smile or give him a thumbs up or, how about just not act like YOU for a moment in his life?! Oh, and please don't wonder when your super stud wrestling son in on drugs in 10th grade because he has completely gone of the damn deep end because his dad never loved him enough to be kind to him, YOU could only be critical and mean and ugly."
But that was all just in my little wrestling Psycho Dad fantasy...I, of course, said nothing.
So today I am going to work on continuing to focus on the positive. To focus on what my kids (and I) are doing right, good and positive. I am going to think of Psycho Dad and ask myself "do my kids see HIM right now when they are looking at me?!" For the love of Pete, I hope not. Because the thing is, the whole world is out there judging our kids, ranking our kids and telling our kids they aren't good enough, thin enough, pretty enough or smart enough and I don't think they need me to pile on. Today I am going to be kind to myself and them, even if it means binkys, diapers and not having a clue what Skylar is telling me in those morning notes! I mean I can't spell either, who am I to say anything?
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You are so lucky to have such wonderful children. You also have made me stop and think, am I like the psycho dad? I hope not but I will be watching myself with Son to make sure. :)
ReplyDelete:) It is hard not to push and allow them to grow on their own. We so want the best for them at all times and we forget to allow them to make ALL the mistakes they are allowed to make. Within the boundaries of safety, of course.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you are a wonderful mom, just remember to let them be in THEIR moment.