No Uvula Massage Today Please
There are many times when raising children that you and your spouse may differ in opinions as to what, how and when. This is just the way the world works. However, I never thought for a minute that brushing one's teeth would be a bone of contention when it came to child rearing, oh how wrong I was....
Yesterday I went to brush my teeth along side of Emersyn. We have purchased her a tube of Dora the Explorer Toothpaste so that she is able to get use to flavor, spitting and a sudsy lather in her mouth. So a few days ago I started putting a little dab of paste onto her toothbrush and each and every time, she eats it. No harm, hopefully, but this is the way to train a child to brush their teeth with toothpaste. But I digress...
So yesterday as I was getting the toothpaste onto my brush, I hear Emersyn ask for the Dora Sauce. HUH? Dora Sauce? What the hell is Dora Sauce? So as she is standing there looking at me, holding her toothbrush out, I realize that she is referring to her Dora toothpaste! Dora Sauce?!..I about died laughing..who would have ever thought that anyone would refer to toothpaste as Sauce..but Emersyn did. Dora Sauce...
So here is where Jim tramples onto my tooth brushing world and where he needs to exit stage left! So as Emersyn and I began to brush our teeth, I go through my daily ritual of telling her "now do the side teeth, now brush the top, now stick out your tongue and brush your tongue like this...." So there is Emersyn brushing away and then she sticks out her tongue...and cough cough cough, gag, gag, gag, cough, gag.... What the hell? cough cough gag gag...as she brushes her tongue...holy shit balls, this is what JIM does! I'm going to kill him!!
First of all, one never needs to brush their tonsils...EVER! And second of all why must all men gag when brushing their tongues? What is that exactly? We get it, it makes you ill to have something in the back of your throat and yadda yadda, we get it you are hetero...but really, you don't need to massage your uvula with your toothbrush. Just get in their and scrub er down and be done with it already. We don't need the I-am-not-gay announcement every morning over a tube of Aquafresh...got it??
Sooooo now my little Emersyn 2 year old is gaging and coughing when brushing her tongue. AND SHE ISN'T EVEN BRUSHING THE BACK OF HER THROAT!! SHE IS JUST BRUSHING THE SMALL LITTLE PART OF HER TONGUE IN THE FRONT!!! AHHH! She just wants to do what her dad does!?!? Kill me!!
So this morning as Jim and Emersyn proceeded to preform their rendition of Lady Gag Gag's "I was born this way" with Emersyn's Dora toothbrush and Jim's Aquafresh soft bristle number I RAN to the bathroom and yelled..."STOP!!! YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE OF TEACHING HER HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH!!! NOOOO!" I mean come on, I am not going to have her gagging every morning cause dad does!
I have my principles and this is NOT happening. He can teach her to wrestle, he can teach her to do expressive dance in the family room, but he is NOT teaching her to brush her teeth. A mom has to put her foot down sometime...and the bathroom is where I draw that line! NO GAGGING BABIES!! ahh!
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Yesterday I went to brush my teeth along side of Emersyn. We have purchased her a tube of Dora the Explorer Toothpaste so that she is able to get use to flavor, spitting and a sudsy lather in her mouth. So a few days ago I started putting a little dab of paste onto her toothbrush and each and every time, she eats it. No harm, hopefully, but this is the way to train a child to brush their teeth with toothpaste. But I digress...
So yesterday as I was getting the toothpaste onto my brush, I hear Emersyn ask for the Dora Sauce. HUH? Dora Sauce? What the hell is Dora Sauce? So as she is standing there looking at me, holding her toothbrush out, I realize that she is referring to her Dora toothpaste! Dora Sauce?!..I about died laughing..who would have ever thought that anyone would refer to toothpaste as Sauce..but Emersyn did. Dora Sauce...
So here is where Jim tramples onto my tooth brushing world and where he needs to exit stage left! So as Emersyn and I began to brush our teeth, I go through my daily ritual of telling her "now do the side teeth, now brush the top, now stick out your tongue and brush your tongue like this...." So there is Emersyn brushing away and then she sticks out her tongue...and cough cough cough, gag, gag, gag, cough, gag.... What the hell? cough cough gag gag...as she brushes her tongue...holy shit balls, this is what JIM does! I'm going to kill him!!
First of all, one never needs to brush their tonsils...EVER! And second of all why must all men gag when brushing their tongues? What is that exactly? We get it, it makes you ill to have something in the back of your throat and yadda yadda, we get it you are hetero...but really, you don't need to massage your uvula with your toothbrush. Just get in their and scrub er down and be done with it already. We don't need the I-am-not-gay announcement every morning over a tube of Aquafresh...got it??
Sooooo now my little Emersyn 2 year old is gaging and coughing when brushing her tongue. AND SHE ISN'T EVEN BRUSHING THE BACK OF HER THROAT!! SHE IS JUST BRUSHING THE SMALL LITTLE PART OF HER TONGUE IN THE FRONT!!! AHHH! She just wants to do what her dad does!?!? Kill me!!
So this morning as Jim and Emersyn proceeded to preform their rendition of Lady Gag Gag's "I was born this way" with Emersyn's Dora toothbrush and Jim's Aquafresh soft bristle number I RAN to the bathroom and yelled..."STOP!!! YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE OF TEACHING HER HOW TO BRUSH HER TEETH!!! NOOOO!" I mean come on, I am not going to have her gagging every morning cause dad does!
I have my principles and this is NOT happening. He can teach her to wrestle, he can teach her to do expressive dance in the family room, but he is NOT teaching her to brush her teeth. A mom has to put her foot down sometime...and the bathroom is where I draw that line! NO GAGGING BABIES!! ahh!
Click COMMENTS to leave a comment!!! Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
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