Doing the Best I Can
I am currently reading a book called "Blink." It is about how as humans we constantly assess people, situations and things, with little to no information and how it serves us, and at times, doesn't serve us. For example, a baby can look at his mother and by assessing her face can find out if she is happy, sad or scared. This allows the baby to know her place in the world and how to respond accordingly.
However, there are other times where we may see a couple arguing and think to ourselves, "geeze, that guy is a real jerk, look at the way he is yelling!" What we don't know is that the woman just let a stranger into their apartment and her husband is beside himself with fear. This is an example of "thin slicing." This is where we take a moment of a situation or a person and make a conclusion without knowing the whole story.
As I said, this serves us constantly in our everyday life because without it, we would need hours of observation and information to make decisions, conclusions and have opinions about, anything!
BUT, we have to be careful about thin slicing when it comes to making conclusions about people that we are close to. It is one thing to assess a couple on the street, and make a judgment call, but it is quite another thing to assess a family member's situation based on one overheard phone call or a "day in the life of."
I asked my husband yesterday, "do I come off differently to people or something because it really seems that people have no idea who I am?" He said "maybe?" To me, for a person to know you, they need to know your HEART. They need to know the type of intentions you have, to assess your intentions in most situations. Are you a kind person? A vindictive person? A mean person? A kind person? Do you want the best for people as a whole? Or, are you a person that wants revenge and has a dark heart and wants nothing to do with people?
I am awful at calling family and friends. I don't call, period. I have 3 free hours from 9 a.m. till noon every day, this is when I take Emersyn to the mom's club activities or go to the gym. Then I put Emersyn down for a nap and I take a shower, do housework or take a nap. Then Cody gets home at 2:30, Skylar gets home at 3:10 and Jim saunters in at 6:15 p.m. In between all of that I have to make dinner, do dishes, do laundry talk to my kids, drive them places, doctor appointments and if I make a phone call from the car, Cody and Skylar complain that I am ignoring them. So then Jim walks in and it is dinner time, then we are off to wrestling, counseling, dance, gymnastics or the occasional hockey game....or showing the house...or buying a new sink...or whatever.
So I ignore everyone. I don't call my family, I don't call any friends and I don't call my in-laws, nobody. I have Facebook, I have three kids, I have my husband and if I didn't have my mom's club I would never speak to anyone over 14 besides my husband. I am not saying this is good, but it is the way that my life is at this point and I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX IT. Or do I need to fix it? Or can I fix it?
I know that my family and friends probably think I am calling "the other people" but I am not. I am just getting to noon, then to 3:00, then to 6:00 and soon we can add midnight feedings and breastfeeding to that schedule.
I have been accused of being "busy" and feel that label is being thrust on me as a bad thing, but I can't help it. I am not president of the PTO, I am not volunteering at church, I am not making baby food, I am just getting though the day and making sure my husband's laundry is done? I am just making sure there are bananas to eat and cereal in the pantry and sometimes I screw that up!
So to thin slice my life, yeah, I don't call, I have yelling at my home, I am going, I am "busy" and I don't make time for anyone, but that is not my heart.
My heart thinks that I am still best friends with Niki and Mara. My heart thinks my family and I are close. My heart thinks that I am here for my in-laws and think about them often and what they are doing. My heart wants everyone together for every holiday. My intention is that I don't miss a birthday or a holiday without sending a card or flowers or a gift, but I am falling short.
I know I am a crappy sister and daughter. I know I don't call. I know I should send pictures to my in-laws of Emersyn but I don't. I don't I don't and I don't. But I am taking care of ALL these people I am taking care of your grandchildren and Jim. I get everyone where they need to be on time. I am not out with friends. I am not calling my dad or my friends or anyone else! It's not just you! I am an equal opportunity ingorer!!
My heart is in the right place. Maybe in my next life I can do it all. But for this life I just am trying to raise my kids and pay attention to my husband...and ya know what, if I do that well, that is all that I can ask of myself.
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However, there are other times where we may see a couple arguing and think to ourselves, "geeze, that guy is a real jerk, look at the way he is yelling!" What we don't know is that the woman just let a stranger into their apartment and her husband is beside himself with fear. This is an example of "thin slicing." This is where we take a moment of a situation or a person and make a conclusion without knowing the whole story.
As I said, this serves us constantly in our everyday life because without it, we would need hours of observation and information to make decisions, conclusions and have opinions about, anything!
BUT, we have to be careful about thin slicing when it comes to making conclusions about people that we are close to. It is one thing to assess a couple on the street, and make a judgment call, but it is quite another thing to assess a family member's situation based on one overheard phone call or a "day in the life of."
I asked my husband yesterday, "do I come off differently to people or something because it really seems that people have no idea who I am?" He said "maybe?" To me, for a person to know you, they need to know your HEART. They need to know the type of intentions you have, to assess your intentions in most situations. Are you a kind person? A vindictive person? A mean person? A kind person? Do you want the best for people as a whole? Or, are you a person that wants revenge and has a dark heart and wants nothing to do with people?
I am awful at calling family and friends. I don't call, period. I have 3 free hours from 9 a.m. till noon every day, this is when I take Emersyn to the mom's club activities or go to the gym. Then I put Emersyn down for a nap and I take a shower, do housework or take a nap. Then Cody gets home at 2:30, Skylar gets home at 3:10 and Jim saunters in at 6:15 p.m. In between all of that I have to make dinner, do dishes, do laundry talk to my kids, drive them places, doctor appointments and if I make a phone call from the car, Cody and Skylar complain that I am ignoring them. So then Jim walks in and it is dinner time, then we are off to wrestling, counseling, dance, gymnastics or the occasional hockey game....or showing the house...or buying a new sink...or whatever.
So I ignore everyone. I don't call my family, I don't call any friends and I don't call my in-laws, nobody. I have Facebook, I have three kids, I have my husband and if I didn't have my mom's club I would never speak to anyone over 14 besides my husband. I am not saying this is good, but it is the way that my life is at this point and I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX IT. Or do I need to fix it? Or can I fix it?
I know that my family and friends probably think I am calling "the other people" but I am not. I am just getting to noon, then to 3:00, then to 6:00 and soon we can add midnight feedings and breastfeeding to that schedule.
I have been accused of being "busy" and feel that label is being thrust on me as a bad thing, but I can't help it. I am not president of the PTO, I am not volunteering at church, I am not making baby food, I am just getting though the day and making sure my husband's laundry is done? I am just making sure there are bananas to eat and cereal in the pantry and sometimes I screw that up!
So to thin slice my life, yeah, I don't call, I have yelling at my home, I am going, I am "busy" and I don't make time for anyone, but that is not my heart.
My heart thinks that I am still best friends with Niki and Mara. My heart thinks my family and I are close. My heart thinks that I am here for my in-laws and think about them often and what they are doing. My heart wants everyone together for every holiday. My intention is that I don't miss a birthday or a holiday without sending a card or flowers or a gift, but I am falling short.
I know I am a crappy sister and daughter. I know I don't call. I know I should send pictures to my in-laws of Emersyn but I don't. I don't I don't and I don't. But I am taking care of ALL these people I am taking care of your grandchildren and Jim. I get everyone where they need to be on time. I am not out with friends. I am not calling my dad or my friends or anyone else! It's not just you! I am an equal opportunity ingorer!!
My heart is in the right place. Maybe in my next life I can do it all. But for this life I just am trying to raise my kids and pay attention to my husband...and ya know what, if I do that well, that is all that I can ask of myself.
Click COMMENTS to leave a comment!!! Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
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