Am I Bothering YOU?
I have this thing about me, it's called 'insecurity!' It is the worst because I always feel like I am bothering people, and because of it I spend most of my life alone. It goes a little something like this...
I should call_____ and see if they want to have lunch. No, they are probably busy and if I call them I will just be bothering them anyway. If they wanted to hang out, they would call me.
Or
Oh, so now they are asking me to do something, it is just because they need something and now they feel they have to ask me to go to lunch.....
Or some other bit of insanity. But that is how it goes...over and over and over....
I hate it. I hate feeling like if I call someone I am bothering them. Where does that come from? I don't think I felt like that in Ohio, but I am sure I did. I think things were just simpler there. Here in Jersey I am less sure of where I stand with people.
When I moved here it was easier to become friends with people because Skylar was in 3rd grade and we were all in the PTO and room moms. Now there isn't any of that, AND all of Skylar's friends parents don't have 2 babies. They are all past that stage in their life. Again with the insecurity who wants to hang out with a woman and her two babies for lunch...That and most of them are friends with my arch nemesis and I guess this has somehow pushed us out of "the group." Not that I necessarily want to be a part of it anyway...oh well.
So now I am a part of a new group of moms. The Mom's Group of the town I live it. It is a group of moms with preschool age children. It is nice because we all have our small children and thus the same nap schedules etc. It is a comfortable group. None of us are at that "need to be skinny," "my husband is going to leave me for a younger model," "I want my kids to think I am cool," stage... We are still in the "are you breastfeeding," "did you get her potty trained," "wanna eat at McDonald's," stage...way less competition in this stage, nobody is accusing you of "wanting their husband." BARF!
Maybe that is my problem? Perhaps every time I get close to someone I feel like they make everything so darn complicated? Maybe it is me that doesn't want to call because it is "always something" and I am better without the drama. Perhaps I don't call because I know it will just be a matter of time before it is somehow MY fault they are getting a divorce, or that I said something wrong, or or or...people are so freaking wacko these days.
So I don't call, and I don't have close friends here and I DON'T HAVE DRAMA...AT ALL. But then again, I don't have plans either. It drives Cody crazy! He's always says, "why don't you be friends with so-and-so's mom!" And I am like, "well, because they don't have babies, their kids are 14!"
I just need to figure it out. Either way it doesn't matter, I have another baby coming in 4 months, then it is lock-down again for a year with breastfeeding every 2 hours.... Is it time to go back to Beaches yet? Things were just simpler there, and I was paying them, so if I was bothering them it didn't matter!
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I should call_____ and see if they want to have lunch. No, they are probably busy and if I call them I will just be bothering them anyway. If they wanted to hang out, they would call me.
Or
Oh, so now they are asking me to do something, it is just because they need something and now they feel they have to ask me to go to lunch.....
Or some other bit of insanity. But that is how it goes...over and over and over....
I hate it. I hate feeling like if I call someone I am bothering them. Where does that come from? I don't think I felt like that in Ohio, but I am sure I did. I think things were just simpler there. Here in Jersey I am less sure of where I stand with people.
When I moved here it was easier to become friends with people because Skylar was in 3rd grade and we were all in the PTO and room moms. Now there isn't any of that, AND all of Skylar's friends parents don't have 2 babies. They are all past that stage in their life. Again with the insecurity who wants to hang out with a woman and her two babies for lunch...That and most of them are friends with my arch nemesis and I guess this has somehow pushed us out of "the group." Not that I necessarily want to be a part of it anyway...oh well.
So now I am a part of a new group of moms. The Mom's Group of the town I live it. It is a group of moms with preschool age children. It is nice because we all have our small children and thus the same nap schedules etc. It is a comfortable group. None of us are at that "need to be skinny," "my husband is going to leave me for a younger model," "I want my kids to think I am cool," stage... We are still in the "are you breastfeeding," "did you get her potty trained," "wanna eat at McDonald's," stage...way less competition in this stage, nobody is accusing you of "wanting their husband." BARF!
Maybe that is my problem? Perhaps every time I get close to someone I feel like they make everything so darn complicated? Maybe it is me that doesn't want to call because it is "always something" and I am better without the drama. Perhaps I don't call because I know it will just be a matter of time before it is somehow MY fault they are getting a divorce, or that I said something wrong, or or or...people are so freaking wacko these days.
So I don't call, and I don't have close friends here and I DON'T HAVE DRAMA...AT ALL. But then again, I don't have plans either. It drives Cody crazy! He's always says, "why don't you be friends with so-and-so's mom!" And I am like, "well, because they don't have babies, their kids are 14!"
I just need to figure it out. Either way it doesn't matter, I have another baby coming in 4 months, then it is lock-down again for a year with breastfeeding every 2 hours.... Is it time to go back to Beaches yet? Things were just simpler there, and I was paying them, so if I was bothering them it didn't matter!
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Everyone has those stages.. they´ll pass...i think the only thing you need its some quiet time alone!!!! to clear your mind of all.
ReplyDeleteI´m sure that even if they were unpleasean with your attitude they still love ya!
+take a deep breath girl!
That's how I feel too! It seems like everyone has a career in this neighborhood...then there is me. Some comment, "Oh, I wish I was a stay at home Mom..I would get so much done and have some time to relax" REALLY!! I don't know when the last time I relaxed..maybe it was while doing dishes, cleaning the floor, washing clothes, playing dolls, wiping a butt...hmmmmmm...sounds like a fabulous time for JUST ME! Wished you lived closer!!
ReplyDeleteJaneen
Lots of very good reading here, thanks! I had been researching on yahoo when I found your post, I’m going to add your feed to Google Reader, I look forward to more from you.
ReplyDelete