Should I Tell Them Off?

My husband, Jim, has a saying that he repeats to me when I become frustrated, or hurt by things that people do.  It goes like this....

"They are never going to 'get it' and they are NEVER going to change."

Whatta ya think?  Is he right?  Should we just tell ourselves that there is never a point in confronting people about the things they do that hurt, disappoint, frustrate, irritate and anger us, simply because our pleas, complaints and issues are only going to fall on deaf ears? Or hey, they are never going to change anyway?

Recently I was in a situation where I rearranged my day to accommodate seeing some people.  I got all dressed and made up, canceled plans and looked forward to my meeting.  After about an hour of my visit the people left.  Clearly I had planned on a longer visit as I had not seen these people in months and will not see them again for months, but this was not THEIR issue.  Clearly I was shocked when they got up to leave, but this was not THEIR issue.  Clearly I am still really angry that I planned for an entire afternoon of visiting and they did not, but this was not THEIR issue.

So here I am.  Is it true that THEY are never going to change?  Is is right to just ignore it all because THEY are NEVER going to change?  Would I be just causing unneeded problems by calling them up and saying "hey, thanks a lot for staying for that WHOLE hour.... it was really really special of you to clear that HOUR of your calendar to see me this year!!!"



I mean, why bother at all?  Why even make the plans in the first place?  WHY BOTHER FAKING IT? I could have been visiting someone who really wanted to see me?  DON'T SHOW UP AT ALL?!  Is Jim right, should I just stuff it down with some ice cream and chocolate sauce and tell myself that 'they are never going to get it' or do I pick up the phone and say "Hey dipshits, is that really all you had time for? one hour? really?"  Or am I waisting my time?  I mean, they knew what they were doing, right?

I have learned over my years that confrontation gets you NO WHERE, but sometimes you just need to get stuff off of your chest.  Sometimes you just need to say "HEY, YOU REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS...JERK!"  But Jim feels that it gets you nowhere.  Or, as he says, "they just think that you are the idiot, cause they are never going to get it."

Part of me agrees with him.  Sure they are never going to get it, they are jerks, they are self-centered but perhaps there is something to letting them know that they hurt me.  Maybe not?

Thing is I get sick of turning the other cheek and ignoring people's bad behavior because "they are never going to get it."  Sometimes I just want to call them up and let them have it, whether they freaking get it or not.


HEY JERKS, YOU REALLY REALLY MADE ME MAD AND YOU SUCK!  OH AND BY THE WAY, DON'T DO IT AGAIN.  

I can hear them now, "oh there is stupid Meredyth, she is so ridiculous."....  UG, I can't win.

So I will take Jim's advise and keep it all to myself.  They knew what they did.  They know what they do, just like most people do, and they aren't going to change.  They will keep being the people they are, just like everyone does.  People are who they want to be and do what they want to do.  Hey, if they don't WANT to do what they do, they wouldn't, right?!!

So there it is, they only wanted to see me for an hour this year.  Maybe that is what the hard part is, realizing that these people only WANTED to see me for an hour?  Why should I call them up and let them have it for only wanting to see me for an hour.  It's not their fault.  Why should I fault them for not really liking me?  That's dumb.  How silly I would sound, "Hey, I am really really mad that you only wanted to see me for an hour this year...JERKS!" lol...

So when all is said and done, I am just hurt.  No point trying to make them see that, THAT is my problem.  Maybe the idea is not to get people to see what THEY have done, but to come to grips with what the real problem is, HURT, SADNESS, DISAPPOINTMENT.  Nobody can fix that but me, so I think Jim is wrong, cause I 'get it' and now I just have to change....then I will completely blow out his theory.

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