The Bachelor and Pie
Last night Jim, Emersyn and I made the greatest apple pie known to man. I bought the crust and the filling from Whole Foods and planned to make it around Christmas.... we never got to it. Until last night. We opened the plastic bag containing the no preservatives, no "this", no "that" crust, pried open the jar containing the apple filling, repaired all the tears in the crust that we made, brushed the crust with butter and sugar and baked.
I am totally going to pass this thing off as my own at the next event I attend...holy crap!
It is funny, how something as simple as a pre-made/homemade apple pie can not only be fun to make, but can also be the greatest tasting thing on the planet...at least at that moment. Like a hot dog at a Cleveland Brown's football game. They just about taste like a fliet mignon...but maybe that is just AFTER 40 beers, not sure?
So as Jim and I proceeded to EACH eat TWO pieces of the "homemade" warm, freshly-baked apple pie, I did so without shame, guilt or remorse because this was without a doubt the greatest apple pie ever made. Or was it because I was already feeling guilty about watching THE FR%@#ING Bachelor!!?? The show I vowed to never, ever watch again?
I just couldn't help myself. Perhaps I was in a self-induced pie coma and couldn't change the channel? But then how did I fast forward through the commercials? Oh, but that would have meant that I DVR'd the show the OTHER DAY WHEN I SAW THE PREVIEWS!! Oh sweet mother of God, have I been dragged into another season of this crappy, bologna show? Can I stand to NOT watch this train wreck TV show? Oh please let me not give a crap what this I-have-Botox-eyeballs-Brad guy does with his life!
I mean do any of us care what our neighbor does, let alone this cardboard replica of a man?
And then there are the women. For the love of God they might as well end the show now since they seemed to have voted off the two most drama-ridden individuals in the bunch. But then I saw scenes from next week's show and oh does it look good....oh God, I feel invested...make is stop, oh please let me watch something more compelling like, like, like, The Housewives of Beverly Hills?!?! True, I already DVR that to? hmmmm....
So it appears that I may be hooked into another season of THE BACHELOR. The largest waste of my time that I have ever known. Although, I must say after Ally and whatever-his-name-is had a cameo appearance on last night's BACHELOR, I am so glad I DID NOT watch last season...she truly makes me want to jump off the Walt Whitman Bridge...seriously.
So, now the dilemma of my day will be whether or not to eat the rest of this apple pie. There is half a pie left and Jim will be home to "share" it at 6, unless I devour it before then.
I mean, the pie is from Whole Foods, and so it doesn't have "this" or "that" in it? I guess it is kind of like THE BACHELOR... missing all the substance, all the "this" and "that" but it will suck me back in...over and over again...that is, until it's gone.
Please ABC or NBC, whichever it is, please cancel this show...I have no power over it, it's like pie...and I have a fork and a remote and I am not afraid to use them.
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I am totally going to pass this thing off as my own at the next event I attend...holy crap!
It is funny, how something as simple as a pre-made/homemade apple pie can not only be fun to make, but can also be the greatest tasting thing on the planet...at least at that moment. Like a hot dog at a Cleveland Brown's football game. They just about taste like a fliet mignon...but maybe that is just AFTER 40 beers, not sure?
So as Jim and I proceeded to EACH eat TWO pieces of the "homemade" warm, freshly-baked apple pie, I did so without shame, guilt or remorse because this was without a doubt the greatest apple pie ever made. Or was it because I was already feeling guilty about watching THE FR%@#ING Bachelor!!?? The show I vowed to never, ever watch again?
I just couldn't help myself. Perhaps I was in a self-induced pie coma and couldn't change the channel? But then how did I fast forward through the commercials? Oh, but that would have meant that I DVR'd the show the OTHER DAY WHEN I SAW THE PREVIEWS!! Oh sweet mother of God, have I been dragged into another season of this crappy, bologna show? Can I stand to NOT watch this train wreck TV show? Oh please let me not give a crap what this I-have-Botox-eyeballs-Brad guy does with his life!
I mean do any of us care what our neighbor does, let alone this cardboard replica of a man?
And then there are the women. For the love of God they might as well end the show now since they seemed to have voted off the two most drama-ridden individuals in the bunch. But then I saw scenes from next week's show and oh does it look good....oh God, I feel invested...make is stop, oh please let me watch something more compelling like, like, like, The Housewives of Beverly Hills?!?! True, I already DVR that to? hmmmm....
So it appears that I may be hooked into another season of THE BACHELOR. The largest waste of my time that I have ever known. Although, I must say after Ally and whatever-his-name-is had a cameo appearance on last night's BACHELOR, I am so glad I DID NOT watch last season...she truly makes me want to jump off the Walt Whitman Bridge...seriously.
So, now the dilemma of my day will be whether or not to eat the rest of this apple pie. There is half a pie left and Jim will be home to "share" it at 6, unless I devour it before then.
I mean, the pie is from Whole Foods, and so it doesn't have "this" or "that" in it? I guess it is kind of like THE BACHELOR... missing all the substance, all the "this" and "that" but it will suck me back in...over and over again...that is, until it's gone.
Please ABC or NBC, whichever it is, please cancel this show...I have no power over it, it's like pie...and I have a fork and a remote and I am not afraid to use them.
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