Can You See ME?
On Saturday Jim and I went to see "Love and Other Drugs" with Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake was amazing in the movie. Anne, however may never act in another Disney film ever again, WOW!
The movie was nothing that I thought it was going to be. It was, however, a cute, love story surrounded by gratuitous nude scenes and a tearful struggle through sickness. I think all I thought about through the movie was "is she trying to be the next Julie Roberts?" and "she will never be in a Disney film again!"
Regardless of it all, the movie had a nice message and it was nice being out. But of course, I always see everything in a weird way.
It made me think about my own struggle to find myself. I know, what a cliche, but work with me for a second. There was the "actions Meredyth," which was the Meredyth that was "all over the place," that dated morons and that didn't work hard at selling cars. Then there was the Meredyth in my heart and mind. I was a nice person that just wanted someone to love but I didn't know what to do with my life. I was kind and honest and loyal and wanted to be with someone that was the same. Reading that, perhaps I should have bought a dog?
But seriously, we hear people say, "I am trying to find myself, you need to find yourself, yadda yadda..." and I never had a clue what the sam heck they were talking about? I mean we are who we are, Right? Not really. I think from 17 to 30 we go through a period of our life where we take a vacation from the fabric of our true self. We experiment with alcohol, careers, the opposite sex, playing house, college, clothes, make-up, decorating, everything. Are we a modern decorator? Are we an alcoholic? Are we driven to career success? Are we a stay-at-home-mom kind of person? Do we like black leather couches or country chickens in the kitchen?
We are at a time in our life that we are stepping away from our parents, and many times this causes us to turn so far away, that we turn 180 degrees in the opposite direction and completely lose who we are. Other times, we can barely step away, and in these instances we have a hard time even moving out! But the fact remains, our true self, and our "acting out, figuring-out, wondering, adjusting-to-adulthood" selves are working out a way to become one whole person....i.e. finding oneself.
This is probably why if a man marries before he is 30, the chance of the marriage failing jumps to 80%! (Men's Health Magazine). Can you believe that! I can. I also believe that a man should never marry before he figures out what he wants to be when he grows up. I feel that a man's worth, definition, and fabric is made up of 90% career and 10% everything else, and if he doesn't know what he does, he doesn't know who he is (Meredyth's brain). A woman on the other hand is much more pliable. Women don't define themselves by any one thing. A woman can be whomever she is at the moment and find her worth in it. Almost a personality mulit-taking, if you will. One minute she is a sexy wife, the next a nursing mom, the next a high-powered attorney, God just made us this way or the human population would have ended long ago.
The point is, when the "who you are in your heart" matches up with the "how you act on the outside." You have FOUND YOURSELF. Then comes the task of finding a person who sees THIS whole person, because not everyone will see the person that you know that you are.
Our parents and friends will see us one way, and when how they see us, does not match who we feel we are, we get frustrated. We have a work self, and a going-out self, and a friend self and a church self. But then there is the "just me" self, and that is the self that needs to be seen. It is the combination of all these selves that needs to be seen by the person that we fall in love with. When we find the person that see THAT self, the self that WE KNOW WE ARE, then we have found our true love, our life partner and the one that we know we can be our self with. The person that sees THIS whole self will always love us, but most importantly, will always know our motivation, our heart, our thinking, our intentions, and that is important. Because there are times that we may come across one way, but they will now who WE ARE, and thus our true intentions, and that is golden.
I have three rules for helping my kids pay for their wedding: 1) They can't live with the person before they get married (if they do, they don't need my money, they obviously have life all figured out). 2) They can't be pregnant before they get married (I am allowed my own rules and hope this one will keep them "out of trouble"). and 3) They can't be a day younger than 30! Because until you are 30, you haven't found yourself, and if you don't know who YOU are, there is no way your spouse will know who you are.
Lord knows Jim knows my heart and intentions, otherwise he would have killed me long ago. I mean, when I whack him in the nose, or knee him in the (well, you know), he knows it is an accident. If he thought I would ever hurt him on purpose, I would be a dead woman, he knows me through and through, he sees ME, the whole me. Thank God.
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The movie was nothing that I thought it was going to be. It was, however, a cute, love story surrounded by gratuitous nude scenes and a tearful struggle through sickness. I think all I thought about through the movie was "is she trying to be the next Julie Roberts?" and "she will never be in a Disney film again!"
Regardless of it all, the movie had a nice message and it was nice being out. But of course, I always see everything in a weird way.
It made me think about my own struggle to find myself. I know, what a cliche, but work with me for a second. There was the "actions Meredyth," which was the Meredyth that was "all over the place," that dated morons and that didn't work hard at selling cars. Then there was the Meredyth in my heart and mind. I was a nice person that just wanted someone to love but I didn't know what to do with my life. I was kind and honest and loyal and wanted to be with someone that was the same. Reading that, perhaps I should have bought a dog?
But seriously, we hear people say, "I am trying to find myself, you need to find yourself, yadda yadda..." and I never had a clue what the sam heck they were talking about? I mean we are who we are, Right? Not really. I think from 17 to 30 we go through a period of our life where we take a vacation from the fabric of our true self. We experiment with alcohol, careers, the opposite sex, playing house, college, clothes, make-up, decorating, everything. Are we a modern decorator? Are we an alcoholic? Are we driven to career success? Are we a stay-at-home-mom kind of person? Do we like black leather couches or country chickens in the kitchen?
We are at a time in our life that we are stepping away from our parents, and many times this causes us to turn so far away, that we turn 180 degrees in the opposite direction and completely lose who we are. Other times, we can barely step away, and in these instances we have a hard time even moving out! But the fact remains, our true self, and our "acting out, figuring-out, wondering, adjusting-to-adulthood" selves are working out a way to become one whole person....i.e. finding oneself.
This is probably why if a man marries before he is 30, the chance of the marriage failing jumps to 80%! (Men's Health Magazine). Can you believe that! I can. I also believe that a man should never marry before he figures out what he wants to be when he grows up. I feel that a man's worth, definition, and fabric is made up of 90% career and 10% everything else, and if he doesn't know what he does, he doesn't know who he is (Meredyth's brain). A woman on the other hand is much more pliable. Women don't define themselves by any one thing. A woman can be whomever she is at the moment and find her worth in it. Almost a personality mulit-taking, if you will. One minute she is a sexy wife, the next a nursing mom, the next a high-powered attorney, God just made us this way or the human population would have ended long ago.
The point is, when the "who you are in your heart" matches up with the "how you act on the outside." You have FOUND YOURSELF. Then comes the task of finding a person who sees THIS whole person, because not everyone will see the person that you know that you are.
Our parents and friends will see us one way, and when how they see us, does not match who we feel we are, we get frustrated. We have a work self, and a going-out self, and a friend self and a church self. But then there is the "just me" self, and that is the self that needs to be seen. It is the combination of all these selves that needs to be seen by the person that we fall in love with. When we find the person that see THAT self, the self that WE KNOW WE ARE, then we have found our true love, our life partner and the one that we know we can be our self with. The person that sees THIS whole self will always love us, but most importantly, will always know our motivation, our heart, our thinking, our intentions, and that is important. Because there are times that we may come across one way, but they will now who WE ARE, and thus our true intentions, and that is golden.
I have three rules for helping my kids pay for their wedding: 1) They can't live with the person before they get married (if they do, they don't need my money, they obviously have life all figured out). 2) They can't be pregnant before they get married (I am allowed my own rules and hope this one will keep them "out of trouble"). and 3) They can't be a day younger than 30! Because until you are 30, you haven't found yourself, and if you don't know who YOU are, there is no way your spouse will know who you are.
Lord knows Jim knows my heart and intentions, otherwise he would have killed me long ago. I mean, when I whack him in the nose, or knee him in the (well, you know), he knows it is an accident. If he thought I would ever hurt him on purpose, I would be a dead woman, he knows me through and through, he sees ME, the whole me. Thank God.
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