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I think it is safe to say I am feeling better.  I have gone 5 days without ANY nausea and I feel like I have won the thank-goodness-I-am-not-sick lotto!  Oddly enough, my entire family seems to be doing much better as well.  Nobody else was feeling nauseous but the temperature in the house has been bad, to worse.  My husband was getting depressed, feeling drained, tired and like he couldn't, or didn't want to get off the couch.  Cody was, as we say, "on fire," stressed, not wanting to be home and hating every one of us and Skylar, well, Skylar was a little sharper than her usual self over these last few weeks.

How can mom make that much difference? How can me laying on the couch, unable to make dinner, unable to parent, unable to SMILE, alter the entire state of the house?

I was watching TV the other day with Jim.  It was one of the first days that I was feel great all day and Jim asked me a question and I smiled at him.  He lit up like a Christmas tree and said "oh my gosh, you are smiling....don't do that, it will make me love you more."  I just kept smiling at him because it felt so good, it felt so good to give Jim that positive facial feedback that I hadn't given him in weeks.  It felt so good to feel my cheeks move and show my teeth without a grown behind it.  He just kept staring at me and I just kept smiling and it felt like the warmest sun was glowing from my soul onto him.  I knew I was fueling his soul, I could feel it.



When Cody walked into the house I smiled at him and said "hey Code!"  instead of my usual "be quiet, everyone is taking a nap."  He sat next to me on the couch and didn't want to leave.  We worked on his homework project for hours together that day, laughing, smiling and fueling each other's soul.

I was fueled, I was positive, I was capable of smiling and because of that my whole family benefited.

Jim text me the next day and said "I feel like a new man today and I don't know why?"  When he got home he couldn't put it in words he just said he felt different, better, energized.  Later we were laughing about something and he said "I've got my wife back!" and I knew exactly what he meant, I had been gone, I had been missing, I had been laying on the couch and unable to smile, laugh or do anything but keep myself from having a barf-o-rama.  It wasn't my fault, it was what it was.

I don't remember where I saw it but I was watching something one time and they said our children see themselves though their parent's eyes.  WOW! That's a lot of responsibility!  What we think of our children is how they define themselves?  If we smile at them, they then feel smile-worthy?  If we call them scum, losers, dumb ass kids, lazy, bad parents, then that is how they will see themselves? WOW!  No wonder my family has been a mess lately...I can't imagine the mirror that I have given them to look into.

My dad tells me, whether he feels it is true or not, that I am the greatest living wife and mother he has ever known.  He tells me that there is nobody that could do a better job, of raising his grand kids.  He tells me that Jim is the greatest husband he could have ever asked for his daughter and that I am the greatest wife any man could have ever dreamt of...Doesn't hearing that just make you beam?!  Doesn't just listening to those words make you glow, feel different and want to do even better!!  I feel like Super Mom and Wife....greatest wife and mom to soar over the Earth!!! Hear me roar and watch me mother!!

And I am old...and I still love hearing it.  I still love hearing my dad tell me I am the greatest!  I still like seeing "grandpa Burge" on the caller ID and hear his voice at the other end of the phone, even if he is "just checking in."

I can see how illness can tear apart a family, a marriage.  It is so difficult to see your partner, parent, spouse sick, but even worse, even more destructive, must be to see your reflection in their eyes as sad, sick and to feel not smile-worthy, even if it isn't the reality of the situation.

I never meant NOT to smile at my family these last few weeks, I honestly NEVER once even thought about it, it wasn't even on my radar as being an issue.  You can't fix something that you don't realize is an issue.  You can't fix something that you don't even realize is happening.  But when we aren't sick, when we can smile, when we aren't on the couch, we need to remember....when my kid walks up to the car, through the door, into the room, I am going to smile at him.  I am going to let him see his reflection in my smile, I am going to let him know he is smile-worthy.  Oh, and same with my spouse...I am going to stop what I am doing and smile at him to....I am going to fuel his soul.  Because ya know what...FOR THAT ONE SMILE, YOU WILL FUEL YOUR FAMILY'S SOUL FOR THE ENTIRE DAY!  A mother's smile, a wife's smile is worth a million family dollars!!!


I have the power to change my whole family.  I have the power to fuel the souls of everyone in this house.  I can change the temperature of my entire house with my attitude, anger, sadness, smile, laugh, happiness and dance.  How do you think my kids will feel when they get home from school and I am dancing in the kitchen to some AC/DC?!  How do you think my kids will feel if I am in the kitchen yelling at Jim on the phone when they come home?  I can change the temperature, I have that responsibility.

But ya know what...I can handle it, because I am the greatest living mother and wife of all time...and I know it, my dad told me so!

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