Lured into A Camping Trailer at Seven
When I was in 3rd grade I was lured into a silver camping trailer by two tween boys. They asked me to touch their penises, showed them to me and waited to see what I would do.
I remember the way the door to the trailer sounded when it opened, the way the dirt felt under my feet before I stepped into the camper. It is still vivid, it is still my memory.
I remember when they opened thier pants, I was thinking, those "things" are the most god-awful looking things I have ever seen in my entire life...and there is no way in Hell I am touching "THAT!" Fortunately the two boys did not pressure me to do anything, nor did they do anything to me, I got off easy as awful-inappropriate-sexual-experiences to a 3rd grader go. That being said I will never forget even one second of it.
I remember the stairs, I remember the material the couch was made from, I remember the relief when they finally let me leave and I opened the door. The cool, fresh air entered my lungs and hit me in the face. I am ok...I am going home.
I went home and immediately told my mom. I didn't think of anything but I need to get home to tell my mom and NOW! I walked home calmly and told.
That all being said, I didn't do anything that made me feel that I had done anything wrong. I didn't feel shame, and I knew there was no way that I would get in trouble. They did not threaten to kill me or my family if I told and I hadn't been groomed. It was not a gradual progression, but had I not told, it could have been the 1st step of the grooming process?
My mom warned me, my mom taught me and my mom let me know that if anyone ever touched me, showed me, ANYTHING, to tell tell tell and she would believe me, I wouldn't get in trouble, PERIOD. She told me all of this when I was old enough to listen, hear, understand and she told me over and over and over... and it was a part of my reality. If anyone every touches me or shows me their privates, I tell, period. I didn't do anything wrong. Period.
I watched Oprah the other day, the episode that had 200 grown men in the audience that had been molested as children. They had been molested by friends, family members, priests, teachers, scout leaders, coaches, and a few by their own fathers. How sad, how completely awful that these men's lives were changed forever, the person that they could have been, lost, gone, destroyed before their 18th birthday.
I am not saying that their moms did not warn them, I don't know. These boys were groomed by professional child molesters, I was not, our experiences were totally different. I don't have to live with the nightmares, the torture, the life devastation that they do...and countless other children have to live with right now, at this moment, while you are reading this. The numbers are 1/6 men and 1/4 women are sexually molested as children. That is astounding. That is 1/5 children. We aren't doing our job.
WE WILL NEVER EVER EVER GET RID OF CHILD MOLESTERS...EVER, NEVER. But what we can do is tell our children, over dinner, when they get home from school, when they are taking a bath, when they are brushing their teeth...that they need to tell, that we won't be mad and that we will believe them. PERIOD.
We need to make sure they know, because if we don't tell them, how will they know?
How many children do you hang out with just because? I would say NONE. Reason: you have better things to do with your life than just hang out with kids for no reason. If a person does not have children and is hanging out with your kids, or wants to, there is a red flag. Don't ignore it. Don't send your kids with men you don't know. Don't ever assume that everyone is good, because 1/5 kids are abused by someone and if you don't want it to be your kid, if you don't want your child's life to be ruined then it is better to be safe than sorry. Keep them home. Grown men don't hang out with kids for no reason, period.
I don't ever hire boy babysitters. I don't let my children spend the night in a home if there is not a mom there. I don't let my kids be with people I don't know...and that is still no assurance. But the one assurance that I do have is that they know, they can tell me no matter what. I will believe them and they won't get in trouble.
I asked Skylar the other day, if anything every happened, if anyone ever did anything to her, would she feel ok telling me? She said 100% yes! She then said that she knew a few girls, that she knows would not tell their moms. I said why? And she said that those girls weren't open with their moms and they couldn't tell their moms "stuff like that."
We need to be 100% clear with our kids. We need to tell them NO MATTER WHAT! We need to save our children from a life of nightmares, and it is up to us, as parents to talk, to listen and to do our jobs.
I will never forget the feel of that couch, the way the steps curved into that trailer and the way the fresh air hit my face, I was lucky, because if things had been different, my memories could have been nightmares.
My mom warned me, my mom believed me and my mom gave me the tools to protect myself. Had I not told, the situation could have escilated. There could have easily been a "next time," but it was because of my power that I saved my life, my memories and me.
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I remember the way the door to the trailer sounded when it opened, the way the dirt felt under my feet before I stepped into the camper. It is still vivid, it is still my memory.
I remember when they opened thier pants, I was thinking, those "things" are the most god-awful looking things I have ever seen in my entire life...and there is no way in Hell I am touching "THAT!" Fortunately the two boys did not pressure me to do anything, nor did they do anything to me, I got off easy as awful-inappropriate-sexual-experiences to a 3rd grader go. That being said I will never forget even one second of it.
I remember the stairs, I remember the material the couch was made from, I remember the relief when they finally let me leave and I opened the door. The cool, fresh air entered my lungs and hit me in the face. I am ok...I am going home.
I went home and immediately told my mom. I didn't think of anything but I need to get home to tell my mom and NOW! I walked home calmly and told.
That all being said, I didn't do anything that made me feel that I had done anything wrong. I didn't feel shame, and I knew there was no way that I would get in trouble. They did not threaten to kill me or my family if I told and I hadn't been groomed. It was not a gradual progression, but had I not told, it could have been the 1st step of the grooming process?
My mom warned me, my mom taught me and my mom let me know that if anyone ever touched me, showed me, ANYTHING, to tell tell tell and she would believe me, I wouldn't get in trouble, PERIOD. She told me all of this when I was old enough to listen, hear, understand and she told me over and over and over... and it was a part of my reality. If anyone every touches me or shows me their privates, I tell, period. I didn't do anything wrong. Period.
I watched Oprah the other day, the episode that had 200 grown men in the audience that had been molested as children. They had been molested by friends, family members, priests, teachers, scout leaders, coaches, and a few by their own fathers. How sad, how completely awful that these men's lives were changed forever, the person that they could have been, lost, gone, destroyed before their 18th birthday.
I am not saying that their moms did not warn them, I don't know. These boys were groomed by professional child molesters, I was not, our experiences were totally different. I don't have to live with the nightmares, the torture, the life devastation that they do...and countless other children have to live with right now, at this moment, while you are reading this. The numbers are 1/6 men and 1/4 women are sexually molested as children. That is astounding. That is 1/5 children. We aren't doing our job.
WE WILL NEVER EVER EVER GET RID OF CHILD MOLESTERS...EVER, NEVER. But what we can do is tell our children, over dinner, when they get home from school, when they are taking a bath, when they are brushing their teeth...that they need to tell, that we won't be mad and that we will believe them. PERIOD.
We need to make sure they know, because if we don't tell them, how will they know?
How many children do you hang out with just because? I would say NONE. Reason: you have better things to do with your life than just hang out with kids for no reason. If a person does not have children and is hanging out with your kids, or wants to, there is a red flag. Don't ignore it. Don't send your kids with men you don't know. Don't ever assume that everyone is good, because 1/5 kids are abused by someone and if you don't want it to be your kid, if you don't want your child's life to be ruined then it is better to be safe than sorry. Keep them home. Grown men don't hang out with kids for no reason, period.
I don't ever hire boy babysitters. I don't let my children spend the night in a home if there is not a mom there. I don't let my kids be with people I don't know...and that is still no assurance. But the one assurance that I do have is that they know, they can tell me no matter what. I will believe them and they won't get in trouble.
I asked Skylar the other day, if anything every happened, if anyone ever did anything to her, would she feel ok telling me? She said 100% yes! She then said that she knew a few girls, that she knows would not tell their moms. I said why? And she said that those girls weren't open with their moms and they couldn't tell their moms "stuff like that."
We need to be 100% clear with our kids. We need to tell them NO MATTER WHAT! We need to save our children from a life of nightmares, and it is up to us, as parents to talk, to listen and to do our jobs.
I will never forget the feel of that couch, the way the steps curved into that trailer and the way the fresh air hit my face, I was lucky, because if things had been different, my memories could have been nightmares.
My mom warned me, my mom believed me and my mom gave me the tools to protect myself. Had I not told, the situation could have escilated. There could have easily been a "next time," but it was because of my power that I saved my life, my memories and me.
Like what you read today? Post it to your Facebook page so everyone can read it! Click below to share!
Thank you for bringing this up. It amazes me how many people put this "talk" aside as if it had no importance. Our children are our responsibility, we MUST watch and protect them. We cannot always be around, unfortunately, but in that light having this "talks" helps them to know what is okay and what isn't and how to respond. Kudos for bringing up such an important topic into the blog world!
ReplyDeleteThank you. The difficult talks are ALWAYS the most important talks.
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