My mom is calling Child Services
I was at the grocery store yesterday with the Anti-Cart Baby. She is like a Screaming Houdini. I can put the seatbelt around her waist as tight as I can. (I am quite sure I am rearranging her internal organs) and she can still get out. All while screaming at the top of her lungs. Oh so fun.
So I start the negotiations. "Emersyn, if you sit in the cart I will get you a doughnut hole." I will let you date Brad Pitt and pay for your college...I will not embarrass you ever for the rest of your life if you just park your little diaper clad butt in this freaking cart so I can buy groceries....(smile) PUMPKIN!!
So I bought a leash. An Eddie Bauer, cream-colored, backpack leash, with a puppy on it...with a little pouch on it...COME ON PEOPLE!?! I AM A BAD MOM, I ADMIT IT... AND I DON'T CARE...
But I also haven't brought myself to use it...BUT BUT BUT... I DO own it!
Don't mess with me Emersyn...you little cart evading poop.
So my mom calls while I am at the grocery store and I tell her "Emersyn is now crawling military style across the grocery store floor...I want to kill her, Oh, and I bought a leash."
Mom: "I am calling Children Services if you even consider putting a leash on that little baby."
Me: "Mom, but you don't understand, she won't go in the cart, and then she runs and she's fast and what the heck am I going to do? It isn't safe...the leash is for her safety..." SO I DON'T KILL HER!!!
Mom: "Tell me where you are at, am I calling Protective Services RIGHT NOW!!"
Me: "If they come...do you promise they will take her?"
Mom: "Just tell her over and over to stay in the cart and she will learn.."
Me: "You obviously haven't met Jim's daughter, Emersyn...she's a little different."
Why is it that people threaten you will Children's services?
Please send them over.. I will give them the address. Jim and I always joke...if anyone ever steals Cody, it would be only moments before they returned him. As for Family Services, well, if they can get Emersyn in a shopping cart, they can have her....at least while I shop.
Thanks for reading. Make sure and check out other great stories in the Archives!
So I start the negotiations. "Emersyn, if you sit in the cart I will get you a doughnut hole." I will let you date Brad Pitt and pay for your college...I will not embarrass you ever for the rest of your life if you just park your little diaper clad butt in this freaking cart so I can buy groceries....(smile) PUMPKIN!!
So I bought a leash. An Eddie Bauer, cream-colored, backpack leash, with a puppy on it...with a little pouch on it...COME ON PEOPLE!?! I AM A BAD MOM, I ADMIT IT... AND I DON'T CARE...
But I also haven't brought myself to use it...BUT BUT BUT... I DO own it!
Don't mess with me Emersyn...you little cart evading poop.
So my mom calls while I am at the grocery store and I tell her "Emersyn is now crawling military style across the grocery store floor...I want to kill her, Oh, and I bought a leash."
Mom: "I am calling Children Services if you even consider putting a leash on that little baby."
Me: "Mom, but you don't understand, she won't go in the cart, and then she runs and she's fast and what the heck am I going to do? It isn't safe...the leash is for her safety..." SO I DON'T KILL HER!!!
Mom: "Tell me where you are at, am I calling Protective Services RIGHT NOW!!"
Me: "If they come...do you promise they will take her?"
Mom: "Just tell her over and over to stay in the cart and she will learn.."
Me: "You obviously haven't met Jim's daughter, Emersyn...she's a little different."
Why is it that people threaten you will Children's services?
Please send them over.. I will give them the address. Jim and I always joke...if anyone ever steals Cody, it would be only moments before they returned him. As for Family Services, well, if they can get Emersyn in a shopping cart, they can have her....at least while I shop.
Thanks for reading. Make sure and check out other great stories in the Archives!
How come when it is my child running through the grocery store you are calm, cool, collected and full of advice? Your child, bribery and a leash? Come on Mer, you are better than that, stronger and mom wiser! So here' s one of the things you and your lovely hubby told me, "don 't drop the rope,". But I think you may already have:)
ReplyDeleteWhy are you awake already?!
ReplyDeleteA.) I love that you called her anti-cart baby.
ReplyDeleteB.) This blog made me crack up because I can picture it all happening.
C.) Send Emersyn to me I will take her anyday anytime.
D.) Brad Pitt? Didn't you mean Justin Timberlake?
E.)Get rid of the leash!
Did you ever read, "The Ransom of Red Chief," buy O'Henry?
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Emersyn...daddy will be home soon!
ReplyDeleteRemember the trick to get them to sit during lunch?? Try it with the grocery store too! Or try a Happy Meal while you shop...an ice cream cone...?? Another thing that worked for me was buying a small grocery cart and i let them push it around with me. Good luck! Janeen
ReplyDeleteHysterical...I will starve her out..then offer grapes at the store...love
ReplyDelete