The Perfect way to anger your Ex
My two older kids always come home and tell me stories of friends who betray their trust. I hear, "my best friend told Joe that I like him and I told her to never tell anyone," or "I can't believe that he told everyone that, he promised he would never say anything?" What I have told each of them, time and time again is that --a secret is only a secret if you are the only one who knows it!
And that is life. You beg your friend not to tell anyone that you are expecting and no more than a day later people are giving you that look. My girlfriend is famous for it. I will tell her something and the next time we talk she is all "well my mom said that you should...." Seriously, didn't I say NOT to tell anyone?! UG! Now I just know she is going to tell her mom so I filter myself.
My favorite is when a person says "Who would I tell?" That is the kiss of death! You know that they can't wait to tell someone and just as the word "WHO" comes out of their mouth, they know exactly who they're calling first.
But that is the thing, there are no secrets, anyone you come into contact with, anyone you share your life with, experiences what you have, it is their story now as well. You have made your story their story by telling them, by being with them, by knowing them. When is a story yours to keep? When do you own the rights to tell?
My mom will call me in her thank-God-I-got-a-hold-of-you voice and say "Now you have to swear by the life of your kids you won't tell a soul..." I am laughing thinking of her saying it... But now I tell her, "no, I'm gonna tell Jim, that's just the way it is." Now I think she just knows that I am going to tell my husband but when I am swearing to her and God, we understand this holy vow does not include him.
And then she continues.
When I was growing up, every single thing I did got back to my grandma and my aunt. I swear my aunt knows every single thing I did as a teen. I don't know how she still likes me. I had zero privacy, but that is the thing, it was my mom's story to. It was her story, as my mother, to tell. I didn't own the rights to it, we all did.
That is the thing about stories, if you experienced it, if it is from your perspective, that makes it yours to tell. Right? Where do you draw the line when it becomes ONLY the other person's story, the other person's world?
Is nothing sacred? Is everything?
I know doctors, nurses and lawyers who come home and tell their spouses everything that happens to them and the people they deal with, they just leave out the names. When a doctor comes home and tells his wife about the heart surgery he preformed that day, he tells his side of the story, he doesn't tell her how the guy got the heart disease, just his side, just what he experienced. He leaves out the names, but it is his story and he tells it.
If you read my last blog, (see 1 Del Taco) I mentioned my ex husband's past health situation. He emailed me and asked me not to discuss it on the internet. I get it, I will do my best to honor his wishes, but the crappy thing is, it is my story to! I want to tell how it affected me and my life and I can't. I understand where he is coming from, but now what? How can a person talk about their life without including the people in it that affected their life? Would he let me talk about it if we were still together? Would he let me talk about it if I asked him first? Maybe I'll propose...
So the story is this... we came back to Ohio and we never saw California again. He got a new job (by choice) in Ohio and as things went, we stayed in Ohio. I am sure it was for the best as Cody continued to need constant medical care and we were comfortable with the Ohio doctors and hospitals so it worked out ok. Looking back the whole situation was a lot to deal with. It was a lot for a 24 year old. It was a lot for a young couple and so we stayed in Ohio.
I am sure that there will be a person or two to read what I write and wish I hadn't quite said that, and I am sorry, but this is my story, my life, and hey, I leave out the names?? My secrets are mine to tell, my opinions are mine to be hated, but there is one thing I know, I will tell me truth and be honest to a fault. I am sorry to my ex, Lenny, I never meant to tell his secrets....
And that's my story....and I guess I will have to stick to it.
And that is life. You beg your friend not to tell anyone that you are expecting and no more than a day later people are giving you that look. My girlfriend is famous for it. I will tell her something and the next time we talk she is all "well my mom said that you should...." Seriously, didn't I say NOT to tell anyone?! UG! Now I just know she is going to tell her mom so I filter myself.
My favorite is when a person says "Who would I tell?" That is the kiss of death! You know that they can't wait to tell someone and just as the word "WHO" comes out of their mouth, they know exactly who they're calling first.
But that is the thing, there are no secrets, anyone you come into contact with, anyone you share your life with, experiences what you have, it is their story now as well. You have made your story their story by telling them, by being with them, by knowing them. When is a story yours to keep? When do you own the rights to tell?
My mom will call me in her thank-God-I-got-a-hold-of-you voice and say "Now you have to swear by the life of your kids you won't tell a soul..." I am laughing thinking of her saying it... But now I tell her, "no, I'm gonna tell Jim, that's just the way it is." Now I think she just knows that I am going to tell my husband but when I am swearing to her and God, we understand this holy vow does not include him.
And then she continues.
When I was growing up, every single thing I did got back to my grandma and my aunt. I swear my aunt knows every single thing I did as a teen. I don't know how she still likes me. I had zero privacy, but that is the thing, it was my mom's story to. It was her story, as my mother, to tell. I didn't own the rights to it, we all did.
That is the thing about stories, if you experienced it, if it is from your perspective, that makes it yours to tell. Right? Where do you draw the line when it becomes ONLY the other person's story, the other person's world?
Is nothing sacred? Is everything?
I know doctors, nurses and lawyers who come home and tell their spouses everything that happens to them and the people they deal with, they just leave out the names. When a doctor comes home and tells his wife about the heart surgery he preformed that day, he tells his side of the story, he doesn't tell her how the guy got the heart disease, just his side, just what he experienced. He leaves out the names, but it is his story and he tells it.
If you read my last blog, (see 1 Del Taco) I mentioned my ex husband's past health situation. He emailed me and asked me not to discuss it on the internet. I get it, I will do my best to honor his wishes, but the crappy thing is, it is my story to! I want to tell how it affected me and my life and I can't. I understand where he is coming from, but now what? How can a person talk about their life without including the people in it that affected their life? Would he let me talk about it if we were still together? Would he let me talk about it if I asked him first? Maybe I'll propose...
So the story is this... we came back to Ohio and we never saw California again. He got a new job (by choice) in Ohio and as things went, we stayed in Ohio. I am sure it was for the best as Cody continued to need constant medical care and we were comfortable with the Ohio doctors and hospitals so it worked out ok. Looking back the whole situation was a lot to deal with. It was a lot for a 24 year old. It was a lot for a young couple and so we stayed in Ohio.
I am sure that there will be a person or two to read what I write and wish I hadn't quite said that, and I am sorry, but this is my story, my life, and hey, I leave out the names?? My secrets are mine to tell, my opinions are mine to be hated, but there is one thing I know, I will tell me truth and be honest to a fault. I am sorry to my ex, Lenny, I never meant to tell his secrets....
And that's my story....and I guess I will have to stick to it.
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