The Eskimo Causing Problems at Chi Chi's

I found out I was pregnant with Skylar in a very weird way.  I had already had the two miscarriages See D&C and didn't have my mind on a baby.  I went to the OB/GYN for a routine PAP test and he said "well, you are either pregnant or about to start your period..ya see here...wha wa whaa wa.." Pregnant, get me a test NOW!!! So there I was, still in the stirrups, panicking... how I can I keep this baby alive, healthy and deliverable?


That doctor referred me to a group of midwives.  The best referral that I have ever gotten from a doctor because it was the best delivery experience ever!  The midwives told me that I could "take" progesterone suppositories if I wanted, as it could help my hormone levels, if that in fact was the problem with the last two pregnancies wha wa whaa waaa. Save my baby...give em to me! So I did. I would have dyed my hair orange and ate duck toes if that would have done the trick, I didn't have to, what I had to do was oh so much worse.



The suppositories aren't too scary, it was what the medicine did to my mental and physical state that almost killed everyone around me... I was a wackadoo .... homicidal, suicidal and genocidal.

I was a certifiable maniac! I wanted everyone off the face of this earth. Nobody was safe from my short temper, hatred, anger and constant need to barf.  I had fantasies about killing entire groups of people, my husband, the mommies at playgroup, nobody was immune, nobody was nice enough, I wanted them gone!

So my friend, Niki, took me to Chi Chi's for dinner.  I will never forget Chi Chi's as it was my favorite restaurant in the whole world when I was 25.  The chips, the salsa, the rice, loved it all.  I was very much looking forward to going out to dinner but I was always nauseous...always. We sat down, I had to go to the bathroom-nauseous. We ordered-nauseous-go to the bathroom-nauseous. The food came-nauseous-went to the bathroom. I choked down a few bites of food because it was my favorite and no nausea was going to ruin Chi Chi's for me-EVER! This barfing, nauseous, murder, genocide thing, it isn't working.

So I called the midwives and explained to them that it is only by the grace of God that everyone in the tri-state area is alive and and and, what should I do? The one I got on the phone had been a midwife for years. She had the librarian voice, with a pooch under her belly button and if my memory serves me, which it doesn't, she wore an apron that only covered her skirt, can you see it?  Maybe it is just in my head that way, who knows.  Anyway, she explained to me that I didn't have to be on the progesterone, that there was no medical proof that it would prevent a miscarriage, it was only for support and if I couldn't tolerate it I should stop taking it. "Well sweetie, it really is up to you."

OOOO-K, so I have been taking this death medicine for months and there is no proof that it works? Kill me! But now I have the dilemma.  I have NOT had a miscarriage with this baby and I AM on this medicine so WHAT IF I stop? Will I then have a miscarriage? Am I being selfish? Can I go a few more months wanting to kill everyone? UP TO ME? Don't put this on me! Don't make this my decision! I am not going to be responsible for this! Tell me it works and to keep taking it. OR tell me this stuff is nonsence and stop! I need concrete answers here! Up to me, who every heard of anything so...so... ridiculous?!


I remember standing in the bathroom looking at all those unused tubes of medicine and wondering, do I need this stuff anymore? Is it helping? So I decided I would take the chance and NOT take it anymore. Selfish? Maybe. Survival? Definitely.  I decided that if it was making me this wacko, it can't be any good for whomever was inside of me. Plus, I was so sick of being a raging lunatic and sick, eventually you start making deals with everyone and God and all you want to do is feel good. Not that I wouldn't have dealt with all of it for a healthy baby, but with no proof that it was the answer, I decided to stop.

The rest of the pregnancy with Skylar was perfect. No problems, no worries, just perfect.  I went into labor at 6:00 a.m. and we called my mom to come over and watch Cody.  I took a shower, shaved my legs, got dressed and went to the hospital.  The midwife that delivered Skylar is a blessing to women.  Her name is Erin and she trained to be a midwife in Amish Country. She said that she lived there for 8 months and kept all her "tools" in a cake pan.  She would just follow the moms around the farm and deliver the baby wherever.  She said that one of the best places to labor was the toilet.  She said you just sit backwards on a toilet and it takes all the pressure off of your bottom, and the back of the toilet is the perfect head rest. Amazing! I labored with Skylar for about an hour and a half.  I had her out in 18 minutes.  No epidural, no pitocin, no ICU, no sickness.  


We didn't find out what we were having. I was convinced she was a boy.  When she came out her dad yelled "IT'S A GIRLLLL" and I just broke down.  Erin put the baby on my stomach right from delivery and I remember putting my hand on her back, she was so soft, chubby and wet.  I remember how her back felt, so squishy with fat, oh the delicious fat.  My head fell back on the bed with my hand on her knowing I had a girl, a lovely, chubby, healthy, coming home with me, going to breastfeed.. girl. And we named her Skylar, Skylar O'Brien.

She looked like an escimo with fuzzy black hair and cool, shiny black eyes.  Her face looked like it would pop if she ate anything, and all I could do was hold her. All I could do was feed her.  I refused to let the nurses take her out of my room. There would be no break from motherhood, there would be no F&#$ oxygen, there would be no F$#@* tubes. It was her and me and I was taking her home. I remember they had to give her a shot or something and had to take her to the nursery. I was like a mother bear. I didn't want her to leave, I didn't want her to go, so awful that I had to fear like that, so awful that I had to be afraid. 


How do hospitals and doctors watch you have a sick baby and not realize that it will affect everything you do for the rest of your life? How do they not realize that if and when you are blessed with another one you will be a head case?


They brought her back right away. 


I left the hospital with her the day after she was born.  I couldn't leave fast enough. I wanted her home. If they let me leave that proved she was fine, proved she was healthy. So we left.  Her dad and I went home on a crisp, cool November afternoon with Skylar, our beautiful, brown-eyed, eskimo, fatso baby in a white bakers hat.